Dear Abby: Snoring and CPAP Keep Couple Up at Night
I'm divorced and dating a man who is 10 years younger. We live together and pretty much have a great relationship. About a year ago, he told me he was losing sleep because of my heavy snoring. I was put on CPAP and use the machine several nights a week. Well, sometimes the air hose may leak and cause a sound, or the mask makes my face sore. I've switched several styles, but nothing helped, so I don't always use it. Anyway, my nightly torture is him fussing and carrying on about my snoring and/or the CPAP. He is constantly waking me up, shouting at me because it isn't covering my face properly or, God forbid, I fall asleep before putting it on.
Abby, this has me so frustrated that it's affecting my entire day, as he says I am affecting his. We have talked about separating because of it. I suggested he get earplugs. He refuses, but continues to torture me almost nightly about the snoring or even during the day if I fall asleep watching TV. I'm beginning to take all this very personally. I feel like I'm too old and sickly for him.
He simply can't accept that
I can't help it. What should do? -- NOISY IN GEORGIA
DEAR NOISY: The first thing you should do is talk to the doctor who prescribed the CPAP because there may be an alternative device that will work for you. The second thing you need to accept is that sleep apnea (which you call snoring) could kill you if you continue refusing to do something about your very real problem. When people are sleep deprived, they are not at their best, to put it mildly, which may be why your partner is losing his temper. If you use the CPAP, separate bedrooms may be a solution for him. But please check with your physician -- and possibly a sleep disorder specialist -- about other devices or therapies that might be a better option for you.
Online Connection Stalls Out in Real Life DEAR ABBY:
I met a senior gentleman (my age) on a dating site. I thought our first date was pretty successful. After dinner, he asked me if I wanted to go and watch some fireworks, so I saw some potential in that. We laughed, communicated well and agreed we had lots to share.
I assumed a text or phone call would be forthcoming. Am I too old school in thinking the man makes the first move? Well, he finally called -- four days later -- but only to say he isn't looking for a serious relationship, but would like to see me occasionally. Does that mean I must sit around and wait for the occasion? I am not sure what "occasionally" means these days. -- OCCASIONALLY IN MASSACHUSETTS
DEAR OCCASIONALLY: "Occasionally" means when this senior gentleman feels like it. Do NOT sit around waiting! Proceed with your social life. If you feel like accepting his invitation when he calls, go ahead and enjoy his company. But do not count on him for anything.
Female Workers Prefer To maintain Professionalism
DEAR ABBY: My co-workers and I want to know how to handle customers who ask us out. We are an all-female staff at a liquor store, and our job is kind of like being a bartender without pouring drinks. Our customers are happy to see us after a long day at work and sometimes misinterpret our excellent customer service skills as flirting and ask us out.
It is sometimes a very uncomfortable situation because we are paid to be kind and don't know how to say no without causing a loss of business for our company or possibly putting ourselves in a dangerous situation. Can you give us some guidance on how to delicately handle these moments? -- ON THE JOB IN MISSOURI
DEAR ON THE JOB: A polite turndown to the invitation would be, "Thank you for the compliment, but I never date a customer. It's against the rules."
Friendship Unraveling Over man's Behavior
DEAR ABBY:
I have a longtime friend who is an amazing person. He has almost every positive attribute anyone could want -- he's smart, hardworking, successful, strong and athletic, fit and attractive, generous, witty, etc.
His only flaw is a big one. He lacks empathy and is sometimes very insensitive. Over the years, on a number of occasions, he has said or done things that left me feeling humiliated. He doesn't seem to understand that it isn't how generous you were to them, people remember how you make them feel.
He has few real friends who can tolerate him, and some have walked out of his life. I'm on the verge of doing the same thing. How can I get him to change his behavior before it is too late? (We are both older men.) -- HUMILIATED IN ALBUQUERQUE
DEAR HUMILIATED: Point out to this person that, more than once, he has said or done things that made you feel humiliated. While you're at it, mention that this unpleasant trait is what has caused "Tom," "Dick," "Harry," "Sleepy" and "Grumpy" to walk out of his life. Then tell him you no longer intend to allow it to happen to you, and if it happens again, you will join the others.
Dog Walker Puts Waste Bags in Others' Bins
DEAR ABBY: I am looking for advice about whether I'm violating any ethics while walking my dogs. I walk my two dogs almost every day so the dogs can perform their business. I always pick up what they leave behind, as I don't like having any dog's business left on my lawn. During these walks, I pass trash containers on the street that belong to my neighbors. Sometimes I place my dog's business in their trash containers. Since my walks are long, it's not convenient to carry the used bags all the way home. Is this wrong to do? -- DOGGY BUSINESS
DEAR DOGGY: What you are doing is a big nono. Many homeowners feel as territorial about their trash receptacles as you do your lawn. If you think I'm exaggerating, let a few of those homeowners catch you in the act. Readers, do you agree with me? One of my staff members feels that if the container is on the curb awaiting pickup, there is no harm.