Dear Abby: Caregiver Gets a Hand, But Kids Foot the Bill
DEAR ABBY: My mother has had serious health problems lately. She had a brain tumor that was successfully removed. Four weeks later, she needed major colorectal surgery. I stepped up and used my vacation and sick time to care for her. I don't earn a lot of money, but I make enough to support myself.
During Mom's illness, my car broke down, and my brother of repaired fered to get it since I was with her 24/7 for about six months. I was grateful because I didn't have time to manage that situation. He returned the car to me with an itemized bill for around $3,600, and I repaid him on a monthly basis. When the bill got down to about $1,200, he told me that he'd taken a collection from our family and the rest of the debt was forgiven.
Abby, I just learned he didn't take a collection from "our family." He took a collection from my children. I don't want to list all the reasons why this is upsetting. My children are adults. I did not pay for their college. They're all self- supporting and have made their own way in life. I'm very proud that they stepped up to the plate when my brother rolled them, but I didn't raise my kids expecting them to take care of me or support me in any way.
Is it unreasonable of me to be angry at him for doing this? We have 75 family members. My parents are the oldest ones left. For the last 17 years I have taken them to every medical appointment and surgical procedure with no help from anyone. My brother ran the vacuum cleaner only three times during the six months Mom was sick. Am I right to think what he did was wrong? -- BOTHERED IN THE EAST
DEAR BOTHERED: You are entitled to your feelings. Before soliciting your children for the $1,200, it would have been better had he let the other 73 relatives know you needed a hand. If he had, it would have cost less than a good meal. Because you feel it was wrong for your children to have forked over the money, offer to repay them if it will make you feel better. But don't be surprised if they refuse. (By the way, they seem pretty terrific, and so do you.)
Diner Wonders about Vaccination Status
DEAR ABBY: I live in a state where it is illegal for employers to ask their employees about their vaccination status. I am vaccinated and cautiously eating inside restaurants now. Since I can't ask a manager about the vaccination status of employees, can I ask a server about it when they approach? How should the question be phrased? I have asked the person who cuts my hair and the people at my doctor's office, but I am unsure how to ask in a restaurant. -- QUESTIONS IN THE MIDWEST
DEAR QUESTIONS: If you do not know a person's vaccination status, proceed with caution. If you have established a relationship with a server and feel comfortable asking, ask. Otherwise, use your common sense about your safety. Your server should be masked. If the person is not masked, you should be patronizing a different establishment.
Dirty Shoes Create a Stink in Clean Home
DEAR ABBY: I've been with my wonderful husband for 15 years. I currently work from home with our small children, ages 4 and 1. I have a "no shoes in the house" policy (always have), but my husband prefers to wear shoes in the house. We have bought numerous pairs of sneakers to be used as inside shoes, but he often wears them outside to mow the grass or run to the gas station.
I do my best to ignore when he leaves dusty boot prints on the floors, but every now and then I call him out on it. When I do, my request is met with rage. He later calms down and apologizes with the excuse, "I just don't like being told not to wear my shoes in the house."
It's a 15-year-old problem that's not going away and I just don't know who is right. My husband feels his shoes are clean. I struggle to keep my home clean because my little ones are running around. His disregard seems so disrespectful. He's overall not a disrespectful person. I'd love an unbiased expert opinion on what's what. -- BAREFOOT IN MONTANA
DEAR BAREFOOT: Your "wonderful" husband may not be a disrespectful person overall, but in this case, he is being self-centered. With a 4-yearold and a 1-year-old crawling around and playing on the floor, he should be more considerate because there is no telling what he's tracking in from that run to the gas station. I assume that the dusty footprints are something you are in charge of cleaning up. Perhaps that's a chore he should assume if changing his shoes is too big an inconvenience for him. He may be a prince in other areas of your marriage, but in this one he is acting like a rebellious teenager.
P.S. I wonder if keeping a supply of disposable shoe covers by the door for him to slip on might mitigate the problem. Who knows?
DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been close friends with "Sal" and his wife for many years. Over the last few years, he has transformed into an intolerable, arrogant, self-centered braggart who's never been wrong or made a mistake. All his conversations start with "I," and if he's not talking about himself, he's not talking at all. He rarely asks how we are doing, but if he does, it just leads into more about himself.
During Sal's last visit he went on and on about how rich he is and how much he recently made in the market. Because of our long friendship, I've considered confronting him, but I see no point because I think he's an irredeemably arrogant bore. Your thoughts, please? -- FED-UP FRIEND IN THE SOUTH
DEAR FED-UP FRIEND: Some people behave the way Sal does, believe it or not, out of insecurity. That said, not all friendships last forever. If you feel this one has run its course, then call it a day. Your wife and his can socialize separately. If he asks you why you are no longer available to socialize, you have my permission to give him the reason -- without the name-calling.