Climate Change and the Scientiests by Argus Hamilton
HOLLYWOOD--God Bless America, and how's everybody?
Glasgow hosted a climate summit of heads of state, government scientists and Hollywood stars Sunday who raised the specter of climate emergency. On the day Al Gore was born in 1948, there were one hundred-thirty thousand glaciers on Earth. Today only one hundred-thirty thousand remain.
West Hollywood hosted a huge Halloween parade Sunday attended by hundreds of thousands of partygoers dressed up in costumes. Not everyone recognizes the holiday. Jehovah's Witnesses refuse to celebrate Halloween because they don't like it when complete strangers knock on their doors.
South Korea opened events for Halloween celebrations but the old Anglican holiday has yet to spread to North Korea. A photo of Kim Jung Un was taken on Halloween showing him with a very sour face expression. He looked like he bit into a Kit Kat Bar and it tasted like chocolate instead of cat.
The Comedy Store banned phones to keep jokes from being recorded and posted. Wokies will start an insurrection against your career if they catch you say something that's actually funny. If the crowd laughs too hard at my jokes, my next gig will be at the canteen at the political reeducation camp.
American Airlines canceled two thousand flights over the weekend, stranding eighty thousand passengers on Saturday and one hundred thousand on Sunday. The carrier adjusted quickly. American is now offering customers a free flight if you have been vaccinated and can fly an airliner.
Fox News posted a video honoring The Greatest Generation for saving civilization by winning WW II and building the modern world. My generation could never measure up to them. James Arness filmed six hundred fifty-five episodes of Gunsmoke and never once accidentally shot anybody.
Alec Baldwin posted a message blaming his assistant director for the fatal accidental shooting of his cinematographer with the pistol he fired while rehearsing a scene on his movie set. History teaches you another way of looking at it. It was Abe Lincoln who said never trust an actor with a gun.
President Biden met privately for seventy minutes with Pope Francis Friday. It was the perfect time for the president to give his confession, as well. Afterwards it was revealing that for penance, the pope assigned Joe to say fifteen Hail Mary's, Twenty Our Father's and forty Let's Go Brandon's.
President Biden returns to Washington, D.C. today desperately in need of a legislative victory to salvage this term. He's being clobbered due to inflation, the border, Afghanistan, vaccine mandates and now the supplychain backup. In the latest poll nine out of four Biden voters regret their decision.
The White House is considering giving nearly half a million dollars to each illegal aliens who got separated from their children. There are predictions of massive numbers of illegal immigrants heading to America to get this deal. I will predict a massive number of Americans heading to America.
The Federal Bureau of Prisons reported that four thousand five hundred federal prisoners have been released due to the threat of Covid spread inside penitentiaries. Let freedom ring. On release, each felon receives fifty dollars, a new suit, and his old job back with the Cincinnati Bengals.
Mort Sahl died at the age of ninety-four in San Francisco last week. The political satirist was a national force during the Eisenhower and Kennedy administrations. Mort was always careful to make fun of both parties, but now that he's dead, he is of course reliably back in the Democratic fold.
Donald Trump attended the World Series game between the Braves and Astros Saturday night in Atlanta and joined the fans doing the tomahawk chop. Things have been breaking his way lately. Next weekend Donald Trump will do the opening of Saturday Night Live impersonating Alec Baldwin.