Pending Nuptials Create aisle-Walking Stress

DEAR ABBY: I got engaged a while back. In the midst of wedding planning, the question of who will walk me down the aisle has come up. My fiance despises my father (he's witnessed the damage my dad has done to me), but I forgave Dad and feel neutral about his presence. My mom has voiced -- begged, actually -- that I allow her and Dad to give me away since she didn't have either parent there for her wedding.

I don't have an opinion on the subject. My mom for sentimental reasons does. But my future husband can't bear the sight of my dad. This is causing me so much anxiety, I have thought about calling the whole thing off on more than one occasion.

If I oblige my mom, my fiance will be unhappy (to say the least), and if I oblige my fiance, I'll break Mom's heart. I can find no middle ground here and feel as if I lose on both sides. Any advice on how to proceed? -- TORN BRIDETO-BE

DEAR TORN: This is your and your fiance's wedding. It should not be influenced by your mother's history. I do have a suggestion: Rather than make yourself sick with anxiety, walk yourself down the aisle. Many modern brides do it these days. Your mother could give a reading or sit with your father in the front row and cheer you on. Who escorts you down the aisle should not be decided by her.

P.S. Have you thought about how your fiance's antipathy for your father may affect your marriage? What's happening now isn't conducive to a happy marriage. Before you step foot on that trip down the aisle, it needs to be resolved. Family counseling might help the four of you, because once you tie the knot, your fiance will be part of the family.