Holiday drinking and driving guess up during Thanksgiving
HOLLYWOOD--God Bless America, and how's everybody?
The National Highway Transportation Safety Board warned Thanksgiving Week travelers that statistics show one out of every four holiday car accidents is caused by drinking and driving. So just to be safe, watch out for any driver who's not drinking. They cause three-fourths of all the car wrecks.
Dealey Plaza marked the anniversary of JFK's assassination in Dallas, when I was in the 7th grade in Lawton, hearing the principal say on the PA system the president had been shot. He then said Argus come to the principal's office. My classmates thought I was really going to get it this time.
Fordham University's professor of Social Science Howard Robinson sued Fordham for firing him
Monday for allegedly masturbating during a Zoom lecture to his class. He just hired a civil action lawyer, he doesn't need a criminal defense lawyer if charged. He figures he can get himself off.
The White House on Monday tried to nickname the president Sheriff Joe in an effort to frame Biden as a law and order president. The polls show Americans don't feel safe, which should help conservatives. I would rather go hunting with Kyle Rit tenhouse than make a movie with Alec Baldwin. The Hollywood Reporter noted that NFL ratings are up seventeen percent over last season. It is a grim time for sports advertisers. The NBA ratings are in the tank, the World Series ratings were the lowest ever, and it looks like by February, the Super Bowl will have to compete with the Civil War.
Wisconsin resident Darrell Brooks drove his van into a Christmas parade in Waukesha Sunday. killing five and injuring dozens. CNN described it as a mostly peaceful Christmas parade. MSNBC said Darrell Brooks was on his way to church when a white supremacist parade walked in front of his van.
The London Daily Mail reported protests all over Europe against continued Covid restrictions this week that turned violent. Angry mob violence is suddenly surging in the U.S. as well. Chickens are taking to the street nationwide in protest of two turkeys being pardoned at the White House today.
Walnut Creek's Nordstrom's and Louis Vuitton stores in Walnut Creek and Chicago were hit by mobs of organized looters. These brazen shoplifting raids have hiked the demand for security guards at luxury item stores. Kyle Rittenhouse could be the highest priced free agent since Tom Brady.
Wisconsin motorists circled the Kenosha Courthouse and honked their horns in celebration at the news of Kyle Rittenhouse's acquittal, while protests erupted in Brooklyn. The acquittal inspired a popular new drink in Wisconsin bars called a Kyle Rittenhouse. It's a chaser followed by three shots.
Kyle Rittenhouse's lawyer cited the DA's sloppy performance during the trial Monday. The kid was defending his family gas station. The only evidence that might've drawn a guilty verdict was that at the time of the shooting, gas was two dollars a gallon, and the prosecutor completely ignored it.
Sean Hannity claimed the supply chain crisis is part of the government's War on Christmas. I say the War on Christmas cannot be won until Christmas stops its illegal occupation of November. I'm calling on the Claus regime to return to the borders agreed-upon in the Black Friday Agreement.
President Biden's incontinence was a news topic Friday during his colonoscopy. Baby diapers are called Luvs and Pampers but adult diapers are called Depends. When babies mess their diapers, people will still Luv them and Pamper them, but if an old person does, it Depends on who's in the will.
Parliament debated the fate of thousands of illegal immigrants crossing the English Channel from France to England in dinghies. I can help. They should dress them in German Army uniforms, send them back across the Channel and assure them that within six weeks they will rule all of France.
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at Argus@ ArgusHamilton.com.