Dear Abby: Friend Constantly Shares Details of Big
DEAR ABBY: "Eileen" and I have been friends for 21 years. She's been supportive through my life's ups and downs, even though I've twice moved several states away. She has always made me laugh. Abby, over the years, she has increasingly flaunted her spending habits, bragging about how much she spent on her son's birthday or Christmas gifts or home renovations, and sending me pictures of her brand-new cars.
I'm not jealous. I grew up in an upscale neighborhood with career-driven, successful parents who loved and provided for us. I was also very close to my sisters and am to this day. Eileen grew up in less fortunate circumstances. She never saw her mother much, and she found her father only recently through social media.
I am finding Eileen's behavior increasingly annoying. Would it be wrong to say something to her about this? I'm afraid if I open my mouth, it could potentially destroy our friendship. What do you advise? -- ANNOYED IN KENTUCKY
DEAR ANNOYED: When people behave the way Eileen does, it usually reveals more about their insecurity than their success. Eileen did not grow up with the advantages that you enjoyed, and she may do this because she thinks it's the only way to measure up.
Let your friend know you're happy things are going well for her. Then, ask her why she does this. After she responds, tell her that you have always loved her for who she is, not for what she has -- and in the future you wish she would not take up space in your precious conversations with insignificant topics like material things.
medication Puts a Damper on Patient's Love Life
DEAR ABBY: I've dealt with anxiety and depression for decades, but I'm finally on a medication that works for me. I'm in my 40s and feel emotionally stable for the first time in my adult life. When I started the medication, I was in a bad place, but after a few months I broke up with my partner and began focusing on my career. It has been a couple of years now, and I have no sex drive at all. I have been feeling the desire to start dating again, but even if I meet someone, I doubt my libido will return while I'm on this medication, which would be unfair to the other person. I'm afraid my choice is between future relationships and my mental health. My doctor offered to add another drug that might help, but it took so long to find something that works, I don't want to start experimenting again. Can you offer any advice? -- GOTTEN THIS FAR IN ILLINOIS
DEAR GOTTEN: I am pleased to know that after so much trial and error you've finally found a medication that has allowed you to get your life back. I urge you to listen to your doctor. If your physician thinks there is something that might help, give it a try. If it disrupts the strides you have made, you can always stop. But please don't deprive yourself of the opportunity to live a fuller life.
man Gets Descriptive When Identifying Women
DEAR ABBY: When my boyfriend talks about women, he doesn't always refer to them by their name. In most cases, I don't know the individual. But even if he does refer to her by name, what bothers me is he always follows it by describing her boobs (i.e., "the one with the big boobs, she has got to be at least a 42D, they stick straight out," or, "she's petite with a very small waistline"). Yet, he says he loves my figure and always expresses he loves the way I'm built.I have ignored the "big boob" comments because (I'm guessing) he gets some kind of satisfaction from making them, so I have gone along with it. However, it is becoming increasingly annoying. How can I get him to stop these comments and either refer to the women by name, or "Jerry's wife," "the woman" or "the lady"? Frankly, I'm not interested in the description; her name will suffice. Also, can you explain why he always slips in the description of the woman's anatomy? -- MORE THAN A BODY
DEAR MORE: A direct way to get your boyfriend to cut it out would be to tell him in plain English that the graphic description of these women's anatomy is a huge turnoff. As to your second question, your boyfriend does it because this is how he classifies the females he meets. He does not view them as individuals; he identifies them according to their anatomy.