Dear Abby: Sisters’ Quarrel Puts Mother in a Tough Spot
My two daughters are not speaking to each other. "Amy," the older, claims her sister started it. "Lisa," the younger, claims Amy took Lisa's son out to dinner and never told her. (This happened while he was living with me -- another long story.)Amy has had us at her house for Christmas for the past seven years. Lisa wants to have Christmas at her home this year. She told her aunt that if
I don't go there for Christmas, she will never speak to me again. I have tried hard to get
Amy to make up with Lisa. I think Lisa wants things to go back to the way they were.
(Amy doesn't know what her sister said to their aunt.)
It feels to me like Lisa is asking me to pick which daughter I love more. How can I handle this without losing a daughter? -- IN THE MIDDLE IN MASSACHUSETTS
DEAR IN THE MIDDLE: Handle this by telling Amy that because you have celebrated Christmas at her home for the last seven years, you will be spending this one with Lisa. And if she gives you an argument, tell her that from now on you will be alternating celebrations with her sister because you do not want to be forced into the position of having to choose one daughter over the other.
Husband Has No Regrets for Cheating
DEAR ABBY: I am a 68-year-old man, married for 45 years. I have cheated on my wife for most of them. Am I sorry about it? No.
My wife shut me out of her life 25 years ago. She has her bedroom, and I have mine. Why did I stay with her? We had adopted two babies 30 years ago, and I wanted to give them an education and a good start in life, which is what we did.
How do I treat her? I treat her well, I think. I help her with the housework, keep our home in good condition inside and out, and she has her own car. I take her out for dinner once a week and we go dancing every Saturday night at the club. I'm a moderate drinker and nonsmoker. I bathe four or five times a week. So, tell me, Abby. What's wrong with me? If you decide to print my letter, perhaps I'll have an answer. Thanks, Abby. I enjoy your column very much.
P.S. Would I cheat on my wife if the opportunity presented itself in the future? Darned right I would! -- NO REGRETS
DEAR NO REGRETS: If you are asking me what's wrong with you for staying in your marriage, my answer would be that you did it for three decades for the sake of your children. I would add that since they are now all adults, it may be that you eventually adjusted to the lack of intimacy with your wife, so you substituted women who were available.
However, if you are asking me why your wife shut you out of her life 25 years ago, the only person who can answer that question is her. It may not be too late to ask.
Condition of Friend's House makes Pet Sitting Difficult
DEAR ABBY: I have a friend I'll call "Whitney" who asks me to pet sit for her on a fairly regular basis. She'll usually ask me a week or less before she is going to be leaving. I love animals (I have several of my own), so I continue to do this for her. But one issue is making it increasingly difficult. Abby, her house is FILTHY.
I have animals, so I know a little dog hair or cat litter is part of the deal. That's not the issue; it's dirt from the humans. There is food residue on counters, stovetops and cabinet doors, clothing and paperwork all over the floors, and a bathroom that clearly hasn't been cleaned in years. I refuse to use the bathroom in her house, and I even sanitize my hands after I leave.
This makes the pet sitting harder, because I know I should spend more time with her cats than just scooping litter and filling dishes, but I simply cannot bring myself to spend any real time in her house. How do I broach this subject with her, or should I? I dread these requests, but I don't want to leave an animal without basic care when she's away. -- RELUCTANT PET SITTER
DEAR SITTER: The time has come to tell Whitney you no longer want to pet sit for her, and when she asks you why, tell her the truth and encourage her to get some cleaning help.