By Argus Hamilton

President Biden went on TV Saturday and vowed full federal support to homes and businesses that were damaged or destroyed by Friday night's deadly storms. One tornado destroyed a huge Amazon warehouse in Illinois. Well, that explains the severed finger I got with my new iPhone today.

The White House directed FEMA to rush aid to the storm-damaged Heartland Sunday. Lucky for the U.S. economy, despite the total destruction at an Amazon's warehouse, there was no damage done to eBay. This year, millions of Christmas shoppers plan on buying looted goods from California.

Ghislaine Maxwell's testimony this week may reveal names of the powerful political men who cavorted with Jeffrey Epstein and underage girls on Epstein Island. Imagine her jail security. On Friday Ghislaine got a nice buddy card from Hillary Clinton asking if she'd like to hang this weekend.

Hillary Clinton aired a video of herself giving the 2016 victory speech she never got to give on election night. She broke into tears reciting what she would say in her speech to her late mother. Over the years Hillary has buried four immediate family members, and two of them were just napping.

President Biden urged passage of Build Back Better in order to help the United States keep up with Red China's rapidly expanding technological advances. China is building a new hypersonic plane that can whiz ten people anywhere on Earth in one hour. Unless they want to leave Hong Kong.

Bob Dole got a laugh in his farewell note at his funeral saying he hopes heaven is as beautiful as Kansas and that he looks forward to voting in Chicago. The joke infuriated the social media mob for implying the last election was crooked. As a result, Bob Dole could become the only guy wounded by the Nazis while defending freedom and then kicked off Twitter for a joke he told at his own funeral.

Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at ArgusJokes@yahoo.com.