Chappelle attacker faces felony charges
HOLLYWOOD --- God bless America, and how’s everybody? Dave Chappelle issued a statement Friday, ripping the Los Angeles District Attorney’s office for not filing felony charges against the armed guy who assaulted him onstage. This country is going downhill. In my day, the only time a comic feared being attacked was when a husband came home early.
The Hollywood Bowl and Oscar assaults had comedians sharing onstage attack stories with each other on Facebook Friday. It’s out of hand. At the rate this is worsening, a year from now it’ll be the audience members instead of the comics who go home from the Comedy Store bragging that they killed.
Churchill Downs reports eighty million dollars was bet onsite at the Kentucky Derby. The horses could sense the political mood of the crowd. Winner Rich Strike refused an invite to the White House to meet Biden and Kamala, saying if he wanted to see a couple of horse’s asses, he’d have finished third.
White House official Samantha Powers told ABC’s This Week she’s happy that there is a severe shortage of fertilizer, asserting it will force American farmers to turn to more natural sources such as manure. Reaction from the Farm Belt was swift. The state of Iowa just asked Amber Heard to sleep on it.
The Johnny Depp-Amber Heard trial uncovered the fact that she and Elon Musk had a two-year affair several years ago during her marriage to Depp.
By all testimony she appears to be disturbed and violent. Johnny Depp and Elon Musk now face criticism for never giving each other an Amber Alert.
President Biden addressed the nation Tuesday and laid out his plan to bring down the high price of gasoline and groceries. There’s a way to make a lot of money on his policies. Everybody is panicking over the stock market this week, but that thirty-one-foot Mexican ladder company I invested in is surging.
US News and World Report reported a major slowdown in the growth of the Chinese economy on Monday that analysts call a slow-motion meltdown, which could affect world markets and crash the Shanghai Stock Exchange in China. We should have seen this coming. The red flags were everywhere.
Supreme Court pro-choice protestors stormed the homes where the justices live and shouted obscene chants Sunday. West Coast kids have a much different set of concerns than they do back East. In San Diego young people worry a reversal of Roe vs. Wade could affect their choice of Surf vs. Boogie Board.
The Kelley Blue Book reported Monday that the demand for used cars in the U.S. has driven the average price of a used car to twenty-eight thousand dollars. It can fluctuate wildly on top of that. Yesterday I went online to check the value of my Cadillac, and it asked if my gas tank was empty or full.
Secretary of State Anthony Blinken marked the seventy-seventh anniversary of Victory in Europe Day by citing the values of America and our allies and partners. As an unrepentant Anglo-American imperialist, I have only one question. Who do we invade to Christianize and take all their baby formula?
White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki said Monday the FDA is doing all it can to alleviate the nation’s baby formula shortage, which has emptied store shelves and panicked the parents of infants. The Democrats came up with the perfect solution. Just substitute Cabbage Patch Kids for regular babies.
Vladimir Putin sat on the parade stand Monday to view a Russian military parade in Red Square marking World War II Victory Day. He was in a foul mood. Bono just gave a surprise concert in a Ukrainian bomb shelter and Putin can’t believe he missed a chance to instantly get the world on his side.
The Wall Street Journal reports that polls show the American people are overwhelmingly behind Ukraine and in favor of supporting the war refugees. In Las Vegas, the roadside marquee at the Spearmint Rhino Gentlemen’s Club says Now Auditioning Ukrainian Strippers. We Stand with Ukraine.