Hamiliton: Harry, Meghan receive chilly reception
HOLLYWOOD --- God bless America, and how’s everybody?
The Daily Mail says Prince Harry and Meghan endured a frosty reception at the Queen’s Jubilee over Harry’s plan to write a tell-all book. Back in Santa Barbara Sunday, Harry fell off his horse and got his feet caught in the stirrups. The manager of the grocery store had to run outside and unplug the horse.
Accenture unveiled the Meta Verse Continuum, a spectrum of digitally enhanced worlds, realities and business models poised to revolutionize business in the future. Technology is moving way too fast for me. Today, I tried to wipe the dust off my phone, and now I’ve got a year-long subscription to Netflix.
The Federal Reserve raised interest rates three-quarters of a point Wednesday to try to slow down inflation and the move sparked a market rally. The administration is hoping this measure will give the U.S. economy a much-needed jolt before the fall elections. If that doesn’t work, North Korea has to go.
The Weather Channel reported that the first major high pressure system is yielding brutal heat for the South and the Eastern Seaboard. It’s the year’s first scorcher of the summer for many big cities including Los Angeles. It is so hot in Los Angeles today I just saw a rotisserie chicken fly by my window.
The US Open began Thursday at the old Brookline Country Club in Boston amid player tensions over sellouts to the new Saudi tour. The Saudis really want to establish a top notch tour. They just invited Biden to visit Saudi Arabia next month because they think he was Ted Knight from Caddy Shack.
Dr. Fauci announced Wednesday he has contracted Covid after he spent the previous weekend at his alma mater Holy Cross College. That’s nearly everyone. The president is now the only American that the virus won’t go near for fear it’ll go into recession. Covid just vaccinated itself against Joe Biden.
Politico reported that Latina Mayra Flores who was born in Mexico and is daughter of Mexican migrants won a U.S. Congressional seat in a traditionally Democratic district in South Texas Tuesday. Shockingly she’s a Republican. House Democrats promptly labeled her the new face of white supremacy.
The DHS is going to punish two mounted Border Patrol agents seen on TV last fall twirling their reins to control their horses while turning back migrants. The agents were cleared of whipping the border crossers. However, the administration plans to punish them for not converting to electric horses.
Christianity Today published an article about Methodist churches in Georgia that broke off from the church over gay marriage. Methodism is the Church of England on horseback. If your Baptist friends think you are a Catholic, and your Catholic friends think you are a Baptist, you are a Methodist.
House January 6th Committee Democrats hinted Tuesday that no criminal referrals would likely result from the televised hearings. Then what’s the point? To generate an audience, today’s witnesses in the January 6th hearings are Simon Cowell and Howie Mandel and Sophia Vergera and Heidi Klum.
Fox Business News reports that the average price for gas hit five dollars a gallon Saturday. One happy consequence is that people are getting healthier from having to walk everywhere. One of my old friends quit smoking once and for all last month when it took thirty dollars to refill his Zippo lighter.
Energy Secretary Jennifer Granholm said Tuesday you can save sixty dollars per fill-up by converting to electric cars. We can save the same money by rescinding Biden’s order to halt drilling in Alaska and the Gulf. I happen to drive a Cadillac, which doesn’t run on gasoline, it runs on ground-up Priuses.
The World Health Organization reported it’ll re-name Monkey Pox because they think the name is racist toward Africa. The WHO is asking the public to submit suggested names for Money Pox. So far, half the names submitted are Bidena Virus and the other half are I Can’t Believe It’s Not Trump.
EDITOR’S NOTE: Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at ArgusJokes@yahoo.com.