Guymon Daily Herald

See Assyrian artwork now at the Getty Museum

- JOKES ON THE NEWS By Argus Hamilton EDITOR’S NOTE: Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizati­ons around the country. E-mail him at ArgusJokes@yahoo.com.

HOLLYWOOD --- God bless America, and how’s everybody?

The Getty Museum is displaying ancient Assyrian artwork in an exhibition called The Palace Art of Ancient Iraq. I confess I can be a real snob when it comes to culture. I just hate it when people at parties try to act all intelligen­t and talk about Beethoven when they haven’t seen ONE of his paintings.

Mickey Dolenz sued the FBI to release the secret files they compiled on the Monkees. They played a rock group on their own

NBC sitcom and recorded huge song hits in the late Sixties. After secretly recording thousands of hours of tapes, the FBI determined they didn’t really play their own instrument­s.

The National Retailers reported that twenty percent of all retail business is now online and home delivered. I thought I was the wrong addressee Friday when Amazon dropped off a box of High Tea Crackers from Scotland. Then I read the note and realized I that just got my Ancestry DNA results back.

President Biden will make a major policy speech on the Battle for the Soul of the Nation in prime time Thursday and he will deliver the speech from historic Independen­ce Hall in Philadelph­ia. The location and setting for the speech was his son’s idea. Hunter heard there was crack in the Liberty Bell.

The White House pointed out Tuesday that urban violence is not just a U.S. problem, it’s a problem throughout the Western world. Last weekend in London, a British rapper was stabbed and killed after performing at the Notting Hill Carnival. If it’s any consolatio­n, that’s usually a sign that they liked you.

The NBC News poll says that the top concern among voters is the economy, specifical­ly inflation and gas prices. Despite the recent dollar-a-gallon gas price reduction, it’s still six dollars a gallon in Los Angeles. This will go down in history as the year that mowing the grass cost more than smoking it.

National Review writer and former DOJ attorney Andy McCarthy said he thinks there are no plans to indict Trump due to the release of the FBI affidavit in its heavily redacted form. It did create some civil rights problems. The affidavit was so black, the moment it was released it was pulled over by the LAPD.

NASA Artemis space program announced Monday that in 2025 it will place the first black man on the moon. My guess is, not everyone will perceive this feat the same way, particular­ly the Progressiv­e Left. Five minutes after he lands on the moon the District Attorney of Los Angeles will order his release.

New York City Teachers Unions lobbied to have schoolchil­dren this week come to class both fully vaccinated and masked or they couldn’t attend class. Last night the Grim Reaper arrived at my front door, and I told him to go away because I’m fully vaccinated. He replied, ironically that’s why I’m here.

The US Open began without Novak Djokovic as he’s unvaccinat­ed and can’t to enter the U.S. He was deported from Australia in January and so was I years ago. When I landed in Sydney they asked me if I had a past criminal record and I said I didn’t know that was still a requiremen­t to enter Australia.

FBI agent Tim Thibault resigned under fire Friday for covering up the Hunter Biden laptop story just before the 2020 election. He was the sixth FBI agent who has been exposed trying to sabotage Donald Trump. These agents now have stars on the wall with their names under them in the CNN lobby.

The DEA reports that the drug of choice for the new wave of young adults are pills that take them either up or down or out of this world, not the old Boogie Nights party drugs L.A. Baby Boomers did in the

70s. It’s narcissism. Generation Z doesn’t like cocaine because it blocks their reflection in the mirror.

The Soviet Union’s last leader Mikhail Gorbachev died at ninety-one Tuesday. He shut down the Berlin Wall in 1989 and freed millions in Eastern Europe. Gorbachev survived World War II, Stalin and the Cold War but the soup Putin brought him Sunday night proved to be more than he could handle.

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