Newsom seeks equity in business hiring in California
BEVERLY HILLS --- God bless America, and how’s everybody?
California Governor Gavin Newsom declared last week that mandating equity in business hiring will be a goal of his administration. For instance, recently I went to eat at Denny’s and asked for a BLT. It took a while but eventually a bisexual, a lesbian and a trans-gender showed up to take my order.
Jay Leno got a standing ovation Sunday after he crashed and fell off his motorcycle a month after he caught fire while working under his car. Jay is now watched more closely than a Pennsylvania groundhog when walks onstage. If he falls down the steps everyone will know he’s running for president.
NFL legend Tom Brady announced he’s retiring from football Tuesday. The next day rock music legend Ozzy Osbourne announced he’s retiring from touring. I don’t want to say the economy is bad but this morning the FBI raided the houses of
Tom Brady and Ozzy Osbourne and found classified ads.
Bloomberg News reported one hundred thousand job cuts in January Tuesday on top of inflation numbers that worry many. I just received some GREAT financial news, and it couldn’t have come at a better time, considering the cost of living crisis. The kid I sponsored in Africa has been eaten by a lion.
Forbes magazine last week noted the wildly fluctuating employment situations with some sectors short of workers amid massive layoffs at Big Tech. WalMart announced plans Friday to hire one hundred thousand U.S. veterans, which can only mean one thing. WalMart is planning to invade Costco.
Grocery News reported that supermarkets are having such a severe labor shortage that criminal background checks are being waived for applicants. One ex-con job applicant told the manager at my grocery store that his work history includes robbing people in broad daylight. He starts tomorrow.
Democratic Socialist Senator Bernie Sanders wrote a new book denouncing capitalism, which he is promoting while preparing to run again for president at age eighty-four. During his latest speech, Bernie declared he has one question about the Hunter Biden laptop scandal. What the hell is a laptop?
Hunter Biden’s lawyer issued conflicting threats Tuesday and Wednesday to the media and to the laptop repair guy. He admitted the laptop was Hunter’s one day then the next day he said it might or may not be his laptop. Our nation hasn’t been in such legal suspense since
O.J. Simpson wrote If I Did It.
Hunter’s lawyer asked the Justice Department to arrest the repair guy who gave his laptop to the FBI in October 2020. The content wound up in the New York Post and was falsely dismissed by the establishment as Russia disinformation. So now we’re backing Ukraine against Russia for not interfering in our elections.
The FBI searched Joe Biden’s beach house and found no classified documents Friday. I’m sure he keeps some papers stashed in his Oval Office safe. The latest survey shows President Biden has a great chance of being re-elected in 2024 as long as he continues to refuse to release his death certificate.
Australia’s central bank announced King Charles’s portrait will not appear on their currency and asked the public for suggestions which reflect the culture and history of
Australians. I see them as literally a flip side of the U.S. Australia started out as a prison colony while America has evolved into one.
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis was ripped by Democrats Thursday for rejecting a Critical Race Theory history curriculum that spotlights slavery. He’s one hundred percent Italian, whose Roman ancestors 2,000 years ago considered us Britons too stupid to be slaves. So do what I do, whenever I feel stupid, I remember that Little Red Riding Hood couldn’t see that a wolf in drag wasn’t her grandmother.
EDITOR’S NOTE: Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at ArgusJokes@yahoo.com.