Magic Castle sold to video game mogul Pitchford
BEVERLY HILLS --- God bless America, and how’s everybody?
Hollywood’s Magic Castle nightclub and restaurant located in a huge mansion in the Hollywood Hills was purchased by video game mogul Randy Pitchford. It’s the home base for all the great magic acts. I once melted an ice cube just by staring at it, but the audience got a little restless after five minutes.
The Drew Barrymore Show made news Tuesday when Drew got down on her knees to welcome her guest, Tik Tok star Dylan Mulvaney. Women in Hollywood will now kiss the floor to greet a man who has lived as a woman less than a year. This has to be the sneakiest trick the patriarchy ever pulled.
President Biden spent the night in San Diego Monday after striking a nuclear submarine deal with Australia and Great Britain. The next morning, the president asked why he was awakened one hour too early, and he was told it was Daylight Savings. Biden replied, “Not another bank failure!”
The Silicon Valley Bank failure led investors to sell off First Republic and Signature Bank stock Monday.
It’s these overextended regional banks that are vulnerable. Today, the difference between a pigeon and the CEO of a regional bank is, the pigeon can still make a deposit on a new Mercedes-Benz.
Wall Street steadied Tuesday after the Silicon Valley Bank depositors were rescued by federal regulators amid worries it could spread. Investors felt a lot better after President Biden went on TV before the markets opened Monday and assured Americans that their bank deposits are safe in Ukraine.
Signature Bank was shuttered by federal regulators despite the happy musical theater that bank employees posted on video about their racial, gender and equity inclusion. I hate real life as much as they do. Yesterday, I walked into my B of A lobby and started singing and dancing, and nobody joined in.
President Biden said he’ll he give the eulogy at Jimmy Carter’s funeral, a bit weird as Carter is still alive to hear that. I say let the spirit of the crazy late 1970s bury our president during the crazy late 1970s. Cher did such a wonderful job at Sonny Bono’s funeral, I believe she should give the eulogy.
The London Daily Mail reported 40 Russian oligarchs and generals have died after criticizing Putin’s invasion of Ukraine. I met Putin at a White House reception in 2001, and strangely enough, I found he had a great sense of humor. At one point I made him laugh so hard he promised to kill me last.
California is considering $5 million payments per slave descendant for reparations. The money would come from people who never owned slaves for people who never were slaves in a state that never allowed slavery. This could explain why last year 500,000 state residents were Gone with the Wind.
Mexican President Lopez Obrador scoffed at U.S. threats to take out the Mexican drug cartels on Tuesday.
The cartels have billions in tax-free cash by financing drug deals, protecting businesses, and selling tickets to the United States for $2,500. I think the only way we could ruin them is to join them.
The House Oversight Committee obtained Suspicious Activity documents from the Department of Treasury from several years ago showing three million dollars in wire transfers from China to three Biden family members. It’s no worry. Joe has an impeachment insurance policy with Mutual of Kamala.
The DHS said illegal aliens are flying from Latin America to Quebec and then walking into the U.S. from Canada. Ten years ago Barack Obama joked that Republicans wanted him to surround the
U.S. with a moat and fill it with crocodiles. This week Trump offered Obama a hundred bucks for the joke.
CNN’s new poll has Donald Trump’s lead over Ron DeSantis down to four points. New York is trying to indict Trump for paying off a porn star who threatened to reveal they had sex on the golf course. He was just trying to show young people you don’t have to drink or do drugs to have a good time.
EDITOR’S NOTE: Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at ArgusJokes@yahoo.com.