‘Tech Widow’ Wants His Attention
DEAR AMY: I’ve been married for four years. My husband is a good man. He’s really good to me, but lately it feels like our marriage is in a rut. We don’t have any children, so I feel that some our attention should be focused on “us,” but he stays on his computer all day, and when he’s not on his computer, he’s got his nose in his phone.
I’m all about letting him have his “you time,” so I let him do his own thing, and I go and do my own things, but I would still like some “us” time every now and again. It seems like it’s starting to get out of control.
I’m just tired of feeling invisible to him. I tried telling him how much it bothers me that I don’t get some attention, but he keeps doing the same ol’ stuff. I don’t want to nag him all the time about it.
A friend suggested that I flirt around with other men and make my husband jealous, but I love my husband very much; so the thought of doing that ... DEAR INVISIBLE: I have a creative idea for how to express yourself in a way your husband might understand: Shoot a video of you doing fun things by yourself (playing mini-golf, going out for ice cream, going to the movies, having coffee at the kitchen table, or having a drink at your local watering hole). Intercut your footage with photos of him bent over his computer or staring at his phone. The last shot should be of you basically asking him to come out and play.
Share this creation privately with your husband. Let your husband know in a loving and relevant way that you miss him and that you want for him to make time for the two of you as a couple.
Every relationship needs to be nurtured in order to thrive. When people talk about marriage being “work,” this is what they are talking about:
If your husband isn’t able or willing to make time for the two of you, then you have a bigger problem than can be remedied by a cute “bid,” or through “nagging.”
DEAR AMY: My mother is a loving and involved grandmother to my three children. The problem is that she very obviously favors my oldest daughter — to the point that she pays limited attention to the younger children unless the oldest is not in the room.
When this has been pointed out to her, she has promised to do better, but she always forgets and goes back to previous patterns. My younger children are young enough that I don’t think they are aware of the favoritism, but it will soon be obvious to them.
I’m not sure what my options are, except to limit access to all three children. I don’t want to cut off their relationship with their grandmother, but I also don’t want my two younger children to be hurt or their relationships to their sister to suffer. What do I do? DEAR MOTHER: Don’t respond to this by limiting access to all three children, but by encouraging your mother to experience some one-on-one time with the two younger children. You present some evidence that your mother’s favoritism stems mainly from her not knowing the younger children very well (she already knows the oldest well). Don’t lump these kids together into one overwhelming toddler-blob, but nudge her toward private and unique experiences with each.
Remind her that it isn’t good for the dynamic between the siblings when she so obviously favors one.
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postal to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or “like” her on Facebook.