The ‘I/Me’ Dilemma And Why ‘Myself’ Is No Way Out

In a eulogy honoring Sen. John McCain, former President Barack Obama speculated on why McCain had chosen him and former President George W. Bush to deliver tributes at the memorial service. “What better way to get a last laugh than to make George and I say nice things about him to a national audience?” Obama said.

As several readers pointed out to me, Obama should have said “George and me” because “me” is the direct object of the verb “to make.” (Considering Obama’s error, perhaps McCain had TWO last laughs.)

You can usually resolve the “I/me” dilemma by simply dropping intervening nouns to see whether “I” or “me” fits. In the case of Obama’s sentence, we’d never say, “than to make I say nice things,” so “me” is correct. Once “George” is removed, the choice is clear.

I suspect that Obama, who’s an eloquent and careful speaker, fell victim to hypercorrection – our tendency to follow grammatical dictates so religiously that we overgeneralize a rule and apply it to the wrong situations. We’re like someone who dutifully rises at 6 a.m. and puts on a suit for work, only to realize that it’s Saturday.

We’ve been taught since childhood never to use “me” when “I” is required, as in “George and me went to the store.” Deep in our brain lurks a scolding mantra: “Saying ‘me and someone else’ is always wrong.”

So when we come to an “I/me” choice, even when “me” is correct, that old mantra kicks in, and we say things like “Please give it to George or I” or “between George and I.”

It’s a very human and forgivable mistake. After all, at least we’re trying to follow the rule. But what’s really cowardly is trying to weasel out of the dilemma by using “myself” instead of “I” or “me.” We think, “Hmmm . . . I’m not sure whether to use ‘I’ or ‘me’ here. I know! I’ll use ‘myself ’!”

In our desperation, we treat “myself ” as an all-purpose, duct-tape pronoun that can patch up any “I/me” leak. But “myself” should be used in only two ways: intensively (“I’ve made that mistake myself ”), or reflexively (“I forgave myself for the mistake”).

As my trombone teacher always told me, if you’re going to play the wrong note (and I played a lot of ‘em), at least play it loud and clear. That’s why it’s always better to make an honest mistake than to resort to “myself” as a fuzzy, tentative, erroneous substitute for “me” or “I.” The straight-talking John McCain would be proud.