Sexist brackets shed light on deeper issues
We know that the act of ranking women, especially without the foresight of consequences, is not only a product of immaturity or lack of life experience. It is the act of misogyny and sexism, both of which are learned.
“A March Madness-style bracket ranking some of our high school girls was posted on social media.”
As soon as we saw the Facebook post, we both felt our anxiety spike.
And there they were. The names of 64 freshman young women from both Fairfield high schools, written on the same bracket so many of us have come to know because of college basketball playoffs, reportedly by young men who were their peers.
Thankfully, school staff and administrators were already taking action. Within hours, the principals of both schools released a joint statement, where it was reported the police were also involved.
Like other parents in town, we have both spent the past two days trying to process the emotions that come with such an event.
Concern, disgust, and confusion are just a few. But maybe more importantly, we both have questions, the most burning of which is: “Where do we go from here?”
Because one thing is absolutely clear: We cannot sweep this under the rug. An incident like this is complicated, and it is uncomfortable — which is exactly why we can’t pretend it’s not happening.
The initial instinct is to clean up the mess as quickly as possible. Punish the perpetrators and counsel the victims — but does that leave an opportunity for broader, more long lasting change out of reach? If we do that, are we continuing to perpetuate the mentality which is the catalyst for these types of incidents to occur in the first place?
Additionally, how does education about these topics translate in school? How do we create a space to allow for the development of a more ingrained mentality about consent, agency and advocacy? When does this work begin?
And yet, while there are so many questions, we also know many things to be true.
We know it’s not acceptable to minimize how the young women feel in this situation. No one gets to say, “It was just a mistake,” or “It’s not that big of a deal.” Our own personal experiences as women have taught us that these incidents are not only mortifying, they are traumatizing. They also have taught us that these incidents are not isolated.
We know this is systemic. Ranking young women is not a novel concept, brought on by social media. Many of us can recall stories of the names of girls on a list.
Some of us may even recall our own name appearing on one.
And simply dusting off an old yearbook results in finding top awards for “best looking” or “class flirt” for both men and women — disguised as superlatives.
We know that the act of ranking women, especially without the foresight of consequences, is not only a product of immaturity or lack of life experience. It is the act of misogyny and sexism, both of which are learned.
It is essential to unpack the impact toxic masculinity has on our boys. The more we continue to push back on the traditional gender based norms, the more space we give our children to express emotions and advocate for themselves and others.
We know that if such negative tendencies can be learned, so can positive ones. This incident has proof of just that.
In all the chaos, there were students who were doing the right thing. Empathy and compassion took center stage for many, as they stood up for the young women on the bracket. A rally was created in support. This shows that the tools we have been teaching and giving our children can be effective and utilized.
We know many of the issues at hand here. Objectification of women. Sexual harassment. Online bullying. The narrative of “boys will be boys.”
This is the precise moment to have conversations with our children about these topics.
Because if we, as adults, are finding it difficult to process these topics, it is shortsighted to expect our children to be able to do such a thing without guidance and education, both at home and school. We have to act, we have to communicate, and we have to be OK with feeling uncomfortable. Failing to do so will only result in similar occurrences in the future.
We know we want our community to be a safer place for our children. It’s time to address situations like this head-on so we can do just that.