Like living in a pressure cooker
‘Safe at home’ a misnomer when domestic violence is part of the picture
SAN DIEGO — The restrictions the coronavirus pandemic has forced upon us have been difficult. But for some, those restrictions can prove be life-threatening. The phrase “stay home, stay safe” can be tragically ironic for people living in abusive households.
Sheltering in place with a violent person can be like living in a pressure cooker. The survivor has no refuge or support from family and friends. The abuser can become more stressed and out of control.
Even before COVID-19, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reported that about 1 in 4 women and nearly 1 in 10 men have experienced sexual violence with contact, other physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner.
In June, law enforcement agencies in San Diego County reported that the number of domestic-violence calls had remained steady compared with last year — a result counter to some expectations. In the same month, San Diego City Attorney Mara Elliott said the severity of domestic abuse cases appeared to be worse in the first few months of the pandemic.
Taken together, the pair of statistics may not make sense. But consider, experts say, that unless a severe injury is involved, calling the police or sheriff may be much more noticeable — and dangerous — than reaching out to an emergency hotline.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline reported that from March 16 to May 16, the total number of contacts (calls, texts or chats) nationwide increased 9 percent, while 6,210 contacts mentioned COVID-19 as a factor in their situation.
The hotline’s total contacts from March 16 to Aug. 30 increased 9% from the same time last year. During the pandemic, 12,409 contacts mentioned COVID-19 as a factor. Not every person offered demographic information, but more than 2,000 of the contacts identified their state as California.
In San Diego, the group No Silence, No Violence is one of a number of nonprofits dedicated to providing education, training and resources to help eliminate relationship abuse and sexual assault. Co-founder Jessica Yaffa said the organization has had a 40% increase in calls since March. As CEO of her own separate coaching and advocacy firm, she personally has seen her clientele double from May to August.
“Before the pandemic, survivors could minimize interaction with the harmdoer,” said Yaffa, who prefers the terms “harmdoer” and “relationship abuse” instead of abuser and domestic violence.
“In many situations, more tension is building, financial pressures increase, and the kids are in the house 24 hours a day. A person managing their safety doesn’t have the kind of reprieve or support that allowed them to ma
“We know that any external factors that add stress, isolation and financial strain can create circumstances where a survivor’s safety is further compromised. This pandemic has elements of all three.”
— spokesperson for the National Domestic Violence Hotline
neuver in such a relationship.
“It’s no longer a time in which someone has refuge in being able to work or knowing their kids are at school and safe.”
Even as California takes steps to loosen some restrictions, outside interactions with people are limited. For people in abusive households, that can mean fear, isolation and fewer escape valves.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline broke down the contacts it received between March and
August this way: emotional and/or verbal abuse, 11,230; physical abuse, 7,861; financial abuse, 4,720; digital abuse, 2,237; sexual abuse: 1,284. (Some contacts fall into multiple categories).
“We know that any external factors that add stress, isolation and financial strain can create circumstances where a survivor’s safety is further compromised,“said a spokesperson for the hotline. “This pandemic has elements of all three.”
Domestic violence is not a one-size-fits-all problem, although control and domination are common factors. In addition to physical harm, abusive tactics range from ridicule and insults to isolation and manipulation; from threats to hurt the children and hyper-control of finances to the destruction of possessions and harm to pets.
Perpetrators often use specific situations to increase their control. They may use the pandemic to their advantage by withholding sanitizer, threatening to give their partner or children the coronavirus, or providing medical misinformation to maximize fear.
Tiernan Seaver, programs director at South
Bay nonprofit Casa Familiar, oversees the San Ysidro Domestic Violence Prevention Collaborative, which works to educate about domestic violence. She noted that many San Ysidro residents have lived on both sides of the border.
“An abuser can use immigration status as a threat if their partner doesn’t have legal status,” Seaver said. “They can say, ‘I’m going to call customs.’ It can be a large contributing factor in controlling a relationship in a mixedstatus situation. In families who have moved from Mexico and do not have relatives or friends in the U.S., the abuser can exert more control over the victim.”
In some other countries, domestic violence is not addressed as aggressively as in the United States, which is far from perfect in handling the issue.
“It’s more common in Mexico to not deal with it,” Seaver said. “Machismo tends to make controlling relationships more accepted. Religion is another factor in staying in abusive relationships. If they got married in the church, they may feel they can’t split up the marriage.”