What to say after handyman recommendation goes awry
Dear Miss Manners: A while back, a friend asked me for a recommendation for a handyman, which I obliged. Apparently, she and the handyman spoke about a number of things to be fixed, but he only fixed a few.
I came to find out that the handyman saw other items that needed to be fixed, and did so without asking. My friend became quite upset and refused to pay for these additional items, one being a sink that he claims was in terrible condition. Apparently they went back and forth, and the handyman asked only to be paid for the materials used and not labor.
At this point, I became aware of the situation. I commented to her that although he overstepped a bit, he was being helpful and should be fully paid — especially since she was enjoying the fruits of his labor. She said she would think about it.
We never spoke of this again, but I then hired this man again for a small job and found out that she had refused to pay him. I was uncomfortable with him, and now her. Should I say something to my friend?
Gentle reader: Let us review business etiquette. The customer determines what she will buy. By altering something he was not asked to touch, the handyman committed an ethical breach. That cancels out any genuine concern he may have felt about the sink — concern that was already suspect, since he expected financial gain for fixing it.
There is no requirement that your friend pay the handyman for his unsolicited time or expense. But there is also no prohibition against her doing so if a list of conditions is met: that, in retrospect, your friend is happy that the sink was done; that the work was done well; and that she believes the handyman’s intentions were pure.
Dear Miss Manners:
When my boyfriend and I sit out on his patio with his 34-year-old son, the son spits incessantly. He doesn’t do this inside, only when we are outside on the patio. When he’s talking outdoors, he spits just about every time he takes a breath.
I am a little disgusted with this habit. I’ve also noticed it with other men throughout my life.
Do you know why some men spit like this? I hope I learn to ignore it, but if it ever gets to be too much for me, do you have any suggestions for addressing this habit? I’m afraid that someday, he’ll catch me in a bad mood and I’ll end up snapping at him.
Gentle reader: What about screaming? Not at him, perhaps, but at the sight of a glob of saliva being propelled from his mouth? That should not be difficult.
Miss Manners does not understand why anyone would feel entitled to spit in front of others. Evidently it is not a medical issue, as it occurs only outdoors, so she hardly sees the point in ascertaining why — the answer will likely prove just as awful and even more graphic.
With the current added dangers of being in proximity to another person’s emissions, however, one hopes the practice will become more rare — and that his wearing a mask will help to protect you. As added incentive, your own mask might also stifle those screams.
One of my dinner guests, after eating chicken piccata, rice, broccoli and salad, stated: “I couldn’t eat here every night or I would gain so much weight!” I said, “I don’t think so,” and he stated, “I’m just making conversation.” What do you think?
Dear Miss Manners:
Gentle reader: That he is not likely to make such a remark again. One way to stop a careless remark is to take it at face value. But you and Miss Manners both know that what your guest meant was not that your food is fattening, but that it is so good that he would not be able to control himself. So don’t be too hard on him.
Dear Miss Manners:
Is
there a protocol that should be followed when new neighbors move in, either for the new residents or the old ones? Is one party responsible for going over and introducing themselves?
Gentle reader: Typically the established residents are the ones to initiate contact, but Miss Manners thinks that whoever gets there first, also works. The real point of the neighborly introduction is to provide reasonable assurance that neither party will be a future nuisance. A first impression that includes a warm welcome and a platter of baked goods is therefore infinitely preferable to a noisy party or lawn mower.
To send a question to the Miss Manners team of Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin, go to missmanners. com or write them c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.