Is it rude to ask if a person died from the coronavirus?
Q: One of your friends posted on social media that a loved one passed away. Is it OKto ask if the person died of COVID-19?
A: Whenever we hear of someone passing, if we are not aware of the cause, it’s a normal response to wonder how it happened. Was the person ill? Was it an accident? This is why holding our tongue when sensitive situations arise is paramount.
I recommend thinking through your response. Your friend is going through the grieving process, and you should make that your primary concern by empathizing, supporting and helping. Once you have addressed these ways of loving a hurting friend, you will probably discover the cause of death. Either ask another friend who is close to the source how the loved one passed away, or wait until your question is addressed organically. The only change would be if you were in close contact with the loved one or if you have a medical reason for needing to know.
— Dr. Melanie Ross Mills, relationship expert and temperament therapist
A: Because COVID-19 is a new disease, there is still much to learn. Social media is about the only thing that binds our society. If you read online that someone has died, asking how oversteps social bounds.
People die every day from a wide range of illnesses. A question about the death may come across as insensitive and force that person to make excuses for their loved ones to maintain their privacy. Further, it may bring back unnecessary pain of the loss all over again.
No matter what your intentions are, it’s rude to ask how someone died. A good rule of thumb is to say, “I’m sorry for your loss. How can I help?”