Feel free to imagine the new Trump form
I don’t knowhowDonaldTrumpwasimagining his inauguration morning departure fromWashington. Sure, hemanagedtoflyout of town on Air Force One — still president! — but it was a pretty pathetic send-off for a guy whospenthiswholepolitical career bragging about the size of his crowds.
Close to depressing, actually. Mike Pence and Mitch McConnell weren’t there to wave goodbye — too busy preparing to hang out withJoeBidenonCapitolHill. Averymodest cluster of supporters arrived and cheered when he promised, “We will be back in some form.”
Feel free to imagine the new Trump form. He’s facing a ton of debt, and at the very minimum, we ought to see him back promoting a newline of Trump vodka or water or lamps.
Andmayberunningoneofthoserent-a-celebrity operations whereamomplanningher daughter’s Sweet 16 party can bid to bring in
DonJr. as afeatured guest. OrMelaniaforthe in-laws’ anniversary. If you move to a new neighborhood, your 6-year-old could probably get to know the other kids faster if he had Eric on the front porch, playing dominoes with all comers.
Trump is not the politician most people have atop their lists for conversation right now. Naturally, you’re going to want to talk a lot about Joe Biden and his terrific speech.
Still, sooner or later, you’ll run through current events. People will stare at each other across the dinner table and then somebody will blurt out, “God, did you hear about Trump?”
It’s OK. Absolutely possible to be both a terrible president andafontofanecdotes. We obviously don’t want anyone in the White Housewho’dtrytowinanargumentwiththe speaker of the House by claiming “her teeth were falling out.” But if it happens, it’s very possible people will mention it.
Andthink about the pardons. Wenaturally suspected Trump would have some unusual choices for his batch of last-minutereprieves. This year he also had an interesting theme.
Remember Barack Obama promoting the idea that the punishmentshouldfitthecrime, and springing some people sent to jail with monster sentences for fairly minor league offenses? Well, this year Trump’s message, although he didn’t exactly broadcast it, was that Political Corruption Is Piffle.
You remember the political swamphe was going to dedicate his presidency to draining? Well, it’s not a problem anymore, and you’re in the clear, Steve Bannon! (Charged with collecting money for the fabled border wall and then diverting over $1 million of those funds for his own… stuff. Whenhewas arrested last year, authorities picked Bannon upaboardayachtownedbyafugitiveChinese billionaire.)
As the administration went on, White House concerns about swamps seemed to dwindle, and it became easier to imagine Trump standing next to one, tossing the political equivalent of cottonmouths and yellow-bellied sliders into the water while Stephen Miller draped Spanish moss over everything.
And the guys who stayed out of the clink were still going to have to find a way to make moneywhentheTrumpWhiteHouseclosed down. As he left office, the about-to-be-expresident revoked his own executive order aimed at prohibiting departing executive branch appointees from coming back as lobbyists for fiveyearsafter leaving theadministration.
Wonderingaboutwhetherpeoplewillmiss Trump gossip presumes that he’ll ever stay out of the headlines. Hard to imagine. We’re cruising toward one last Senate trial on his impeachment, and if that’s ever over, there’s the matter of his financial problems. He’s leaving the White House with a ton of debt, none of which he seems to have muchcapacity to pay. Heknows lots of rich and powerful people, of course, but many of his real friends seem closer to the Rudy Giuliani mode of unemployable idiots.
We’re stuck giving him a pension of $221,000 or so plus a bunchofotherstuff, like lifetime Secret Service protection andfunding for some private staffers.
We the taxpayers will be also paying for some office space, as we do with all the ex-presidents. But one of the questions we want to ask is whether he’ll try to use our money to rent space in his own properties. He charged the government a reported $2.5 million while in office.
Timetoletsomebodyelsedotheshopping.