Should you say something to relatives who cut COVID-19 vaccine line?
Q: You found out that one of your relatives “jumped the line” to get a vaccine. Should you say something?
A: Please don’t be too quick to judge anyone whomyou feel has “jumped the line” to get vaccinated against COVID-19. You never really know the struggles and challenges others may be experiencing, even your relatives. For example, your relative could be a very private person who prefers to keep health issues private as well. Your family member could be suffering from one or multiple comorbidities that may not be physically apparent but that could be devastating during a bout of COVID-19. In this example, the line jumper could easily be much further up the “line” to receive the vaccine than you think.
Be mindful, and appreciate that many of us are facing obstacles that we do not wish to share with others for myriad reasons. If your relative receives the vaccination, be happy — your turn will come.
— Heidi Dulebohn, etiquette expert
A: Ethics and morals make for tricky terrain, especially when they aren’t yours. Add to that the complications of being in the middle of a Pentatonix (none of us needs to hear the word “pandemic” anymore, do we?), and you’re headed for quicksand. Wewant everyone to be vaccinated. The more people vaccinated, the better protected we’ll all be.
However, it’s no secret the rollout is a complete disaster and our most vulnerable populations are being left behind. So take all of that into consideration, and factor in Uncle Frank’s line jumping.
You have to tread carefully. You can want vaccinations for all, and still let him know how uncool it was to skip ahead. He should know already but if you call him out, you’re giving him some consequences he wouldn’t face otherwise.
Additionally, you should ask him to take whatever resource he had access to and make it available to someone who needs it.
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DearAmy: I was with my former partner for several years. He traveled often for work.
We had what I thought was a very happy relationship and were both professionally and financially successful. We bought a home together when I was close to completing my master’s degree.
A week after moving in, I discovered he’d been living a double life with another woman (with children). They were planning to take a “family trip” together (including her kids and parents). She knew nothing of me.
I then learned that his affairs had been going on for years with various women, and that he’d also had trysts with strangers. In addition to all this, he possessed tons of “upskirt” photos of various young women who were obviously being photographed surreptitiously.
After this discovery, I immediately left him.
After moving out, I ran a background check and discovered that years ago, he was charged (but not convicted) of molesting a minor “younger than 12.”
In light of what I now know about him, I am extremely concerned.
Should I reach out to the women whose contact information I have and prompt them to look him up and do with the information what they will regarding their own children?
I have been wrestling with this question for nearly a year now. I don’t want to behave as a woman scorned, but I do often think about what harm he could be capable of, and it weighs on my conscience that I’ve remained silent.
— Only In Bad Movies
I wouldn’t describe your situation as “a woman scorned” so much as “a woman not warned.” The minute you learned about your guy’s double life, you packed up and left the relationship. Good for you!
Fully examine your motives. If your sole motive is to spare another woman what you went through or protect her children, then warn her.
Understand that when you attempt to warn another woman about your ex’s behavior, you must not defame him. Report only about what happened to you and the facts you know and urge any woman who has questions to also do a background check.
Your ex will probably portray you as “a woman scorned.” It is likely that he is gaslighting his current partners the way he did you, but your strength now is in not caring what he thinks of you.
DearBad Movies:
DearAmy: My niece is getting married in two months. It is an indoor wedding. I love her dearly, but do not feel safe attending anything where people will be eating and talking without masks.
What is the right thing to do here? I have many health issues.
— Worried Relative
DearWorried: People have varied responses to the CDC recommendations during the pandemic, but you have an absolute obligation to guard your own health.
The right thing to do is to decline the invitation if you don’t feel comfortable attending. Send your niece and her fiancé a warmly worded note.
It isn’t necessary for you to lay on too many details regarding why you won’t be able to attend, but wish them well and tell them both that you look forward to seeing them in person as soon as you get the “all clear.”
DearAmy: “Confused Mom” asked you a question about “polyamory.” Apparently, her son and his wife had taken on an extra “partner” in their marriage and wanted to force this relationship onto the rest of the family.
This is adultery, plain and simple, and your acceptance of it is immoral.
— Upset!
DearUpset!: I don’t view polyamory as adultery, because all parties are consenting to the relationship. “Confused Mom” was seeking a way to understand this, knowing that her relationship with her son hinged on her willingness to accept this unusual relationship triangle.
As parents, I believe we are called upon to find ways to love and accept our children, unless their choices are deliberately harmful. I don’t believe that polyamory is the gateway to happiness, but that same caution would also apply to many conventional marriages.
I’d love to hear from people who grew up in polyamorous households.
Copyright 2021 by Amy Dickinson