Correct the spelling but accept the nicknames used by family
DearMiss Manners: My twins are 2 ½ . My brother and sister-in-law (who are delightful and lovely, and with whom we get along well) call my son by a nickname that we never use — think Tom for Thomas — and misspell my daughter’s name — think Anne for Ann.
We hardly ever see them because they live far away, so I haven’t said anything about it. I’ve rather been hoping that they’ll pick up the right name and spelling in our conversations, but so far, it hasn’t happened.
We’re going to see them soon, though, and
I’d prefer that they get it right. They also have two young children, and they may need a little time to get used to hearing and using the right names. (Not so worried about how the preschoolers spell.) I’d also like to embarrass them as little as possible.
Is there a polite way to say, “We don’t actually call him that,” and “We actually spell it this way”? I’m probably overthinking this, but I don’t want to make them feel bad.
Gentle reader: Correct spelling may be a battle you can win. Nicknames, unfortunately, are not.
Miss Manners suggests that you save your energy for the former — because you and your twins will spend the rest of your lives sustaining it for the latter. Nicknames are almost impossible to guard against — at any stage of life.
For the moment, however, she suggests that you proceed with correcting those preschoolers.
It is much more socially acceptable, and even expected, for you to help them spell things. They can also be a major asset down the line by correcting their parents — a job that they will no doubt relish, and abuse, in your stead.
DearMiss Manners: Last year, I did a great deal of home renovation projects. I found myself constantly astonished at the number of contractors and skilled workers who never responded to my inquiries requesting estimates for the work to be done.
This included contractors who had come to the house and discussed the work, but then never responded again. I have heard the same story from other friends as well. Do these people not understand that they are running a business?
Now I’m in the position of needing a contractor to return and follow up on a problem that he thought he had solved. Plus, there is an item that I offered to give him, but that he never picked up.
I gave this contractor over $100,000 worth of work and I have received no response after two inquiries. I’ve been tempted to write again with a snide comment on the order of: “After all the work and money I gave you, you can’t follow up on my request?” But perhaps Miss Manners can provide a more polite and effective way of eliciting a response.
Gentle reader: While she agrees that contractors and workers who do not respond to inquiries for estimates are rude and poor business people, Miss Manners bars the teaching of manners by civilians. You will therefore have to settle for an admonition that you are disappointed that they do not have time for new business.
Such a communication need not be limited to the contractor — it can be shared with his or her supervisor and the inevitable follow-up from the company’s sales department about your level of satisfaction.
The situation with the contractor you have already worked with is different: He has failed to provide the contracted service, and can be pursued with all the tools and energy available to aggrieved customers.
A friend’s wedding was postponed from last spring due to COVID-19. I had RSVP’d yes before positive cases in my state soared.
I have now rescinded my RSVP, because the event is unsafe. The bride is angry and doesn’t believe the deadly pandemic is real. Should I still send a gift?
DearMiss Manners:
Gentle reader: Whether you should want to send a present will depend on how significant a rift was caused when you told the bride that she was endangering people’s lives.
It was once enough for Miss Manners to point out that doing so is not more polite simply because it is true. This was in the days when public health pronouncements were made by trained officials to the public (for whom there was always an exception to the above rule), rather than the other way around.
It remains true that the bride is unlikely to take the news well. A present might heal the rift, and you can even order it online while you are on the telephone discouraging Grandma from attending.
The UConn players and coaches were gathered, masked and socially distant, in the restaurant of their New York hotel Sunday night, waiting for their name to be called.
It was a foregone conclusion that the UConn men would be picked for the NCAA Tournament, ending a five-year absence for a program that was so long a March fixture. But the Huskies had to wait a little longer, until the last region was revealed.
When it happened — the players learning they’d be a No. 7 seed in the East Region and play No. 10 seed Maryland next Saturday — there was nothing subdued about the moment. They jumped up from their chairs, cheered, clapped. James Bouknight threw his arms around R.J. Cole, who is recovering from a concussion, and held on a good long time.
“We were lit,” senior Tyler Polley said. “Jumping around, congratulating each other, celebrating because it’s been a long time since we’ve been in the tournament, so everyone knows how much in means to UConn to be back in the tournament in March.”
The program, which last won a championship in 2014 and played in the tournament in 2016, fell so far, so quickly that those events seem more distant today than they really are. Nevertheless, the process that began at the end of Polley’s freshman year, a 14-18 finish that led to Dan Hurley’s hiring as coach, passed an important milepost.
“It’s like, you pop the hood sometimes and it’s worse than what the car looks like,” Hurley said, defining his rebuilding task. “All the practices, every day when you’re fighting over behavior, habits, mindset, mentality, professionalism from when you walk
The exact seedings from the Feb. 28 reveal (the second and final one before Selection Monday) are a moot point by now. Even before conference tournaments got underway, four of the committee’s top 16 teams lost the day the bracket was announced.
Is UConn No. 1 overall seed?
UConn debuted as the No. 1 overall seed in the committee’s initial bracket on Feb. 15. UConn found itself in that same spot two weeks later, so fans may have been confused this past week when they saw Creme project Stanford to overtake UConn as the No. 1 overall seed.
“I certainly thought UConn was a legit No. 1 during those reveals, and in many ways I still think they’re a legit No. 1,” Creme said.
The difference, to Creme, is that Stanford ran the table in the Pac-12, which is a better league than the Big East. Look no further than the Pac-12 Tournament championship game. Stanford demolished UCLA, the No. 10 team in the committee’s late February reveal. The Cardinal beat tournament opponents by 39, 34 and 20 points.
“When you start accumulating those kind of wins, in that kind of fashion, then I think it warrants some sort of elevation,” Creme said. “If one teams goes up, another team has to come down. And that happened to be UConn.”
It didn’t help that UConn’s season sweeps over DePaul and Seton Hall didn’t look as impressive with both those teams losing earlier than expected in the Big East Tournament.
Don’t be surprised if the committee keeps UConn at No. 1 overall. Either way, Creme expects that UConn and Stanford emerging as No. 1 seeds will be the least intriguing part of Selection Monday.
Who are the other No. 1 seeds?
In the most recent reveal, UConn, Stanford, Texas A&M and South Carolina were the No, 1 seeds. Creme projects the top four seeds from the most recent reveal will remain intact.
Texas A&M’s regular-season win over South Carolina was not counted in the second bracket reveal, but A&Mlost in the SEC Tournament semifinals. The Gamecocks won the conference crown. Despite losing to NC State head-to-head, the Gamecocks have more top-25 wins. And Creme doesn’t expect A&M’s loss to a good Georgia team to drop it either.
Creme projects that those four teams have robust enough resumes to not have anyone overtake them. That includes Maryland, which dominated its last two games of the Big Ten Tournament; NC State, which beat Louisville for the ACC title; and Baylor, which has been on a roll and won the Big 12 Tournament title Sunday.
What about the rest of the Big East?
Creme projects two other Big East teams will join UConninSan Antonio: Marquette and DePaul.
DePaul has lost four of its last five games, including its Big East quarterfinal. Because the committee had the Blue Demons “under consideration” in its first reveal, Creme expects them to make the field as a No. 11 seed. Their early-season win over Kentucky and a tight game against Texas A&Mhelps their resume.
Teams like Seton Hall and Villanova were on the outside looking in going into the conference tournament and would have benefited from deep runs.
Although UConn wasn’t able to compile as robust a nonconference schedule as usual, the committee did not seem to penalize the Huskies for that or their relatively easy conference slate. One could say it was a down year for the conference, but if the upper-echelon of Big East teams prove themselves to be NCAA Tournament-caliber teams moving forward, Creme says, that should only help UConn’s resume.
“As the Big East gets better, then there’s less fuel for that kind of argument,” Creme said. “Although UConn is going to get better these next couple years, and the separation might be even greater than it is now even if the other teams are legitimately better.”