Doctor’s delays compounded by rudeness of her assistant

Dear Miss Manners: I arrived a few minutes early for an 11:15 a.m. appointment with my podiatrist. The assistant took me to the exam room on time, asked the pre-exam questions and departed, saying, “The doctor will be in soon.” Again and again, I was told that it would be “soon.”

At 11:45, I put my footgear back on and asked if I would be out by noon. Knowing, from years of previous visits, that my routine procedure takes about 10 minutes, I had accepted another appointment in the same building for 12:15.

The answer was no, due to some unexpected delay.

I apologized and rescheduled. On the day of my rescheduled appointment, the assistant pointedly asked if I had another appointment that day. I said no. Once again, I was kept waiting 30 minutes after my appointment time. I did not complain, but there was not a word of apology from the podiatrist for that day, or the previous one.

I wrote a letter explaining why I’m a bit sensitive about waiting: After the birth of a child, I had been left in the hospital shower with promises of fresh gowns and towels, only to discover the nurse had forgotten about me. After lengthy pounding on the door, naked and shivering, I finally stuck my head out and eventually managed to snag another nurse. Another time, when a doctor’s office was locked up for lunch, I had been forgotten — wearing an exam gown and waiting.

I gave this letter to the podiatrist at the end of my visit. She did not read it on the spot, and I never heard from her.

What is a reasonable time to be left in a doctor’s office after the nurse takes your vitals and info?

Gentle reader: Doctors have greater medical knowledge than their patients, and the benefit they bestow is remarkable and deserving of gratitude. But that does not justify rude behavior.

And etiquette is not a race in which the first to show offense — Miss Manners is thinking of the assistant and her pointed question — claims the moral high ground.

Scheduling the rest of your day in the expectation that the doctor would not keep you waiting may have been naive, but it was not impolite. Patients should expect that normal doctor appointments have a reasonable start and end time.

This is not to say there will not be exceptions and emergencies, but those should be uncommon and accompanied with an apology.

Dear Miss Manners: Iama female with a male roommate; we came up with a verbal agreement where I cook dinner every night and he does the dishes. I always take into consideration any food allergies, likes and dislikes.

One night, I made dinner as usual, and my roommate came home after I was done eating, which is normal for him. When I asked him if he was going to eat dinner, he said no, because he did not feel like eating steak again.

Most men never complain about a steak dinner, so I was surprised by this. Don’t get me wrong, it provided me a lunch for the next day, but I was raised that when somebody cooks you dinner, especially at your request, you eat it (unless, of course, you are allergic to it). And since my roommate does not have an allergy, I find it rude that he did not sit down to eat the meal that I prepared.

Gentle reader: Your verbal agreement is in need of an amendment.

If this were a dinner guest or date, not eating what you prepared just because he didn’t feel like it would indeed be rude. But in one’s own home, one gets some autonomy over what one consumes, as long as expectations — in this case, the cleanup part, but also, perhaps, the grocery expenses — are still being met and evenly shared.

Miss Manners suggests that you come up with a more flexible plan to this effect. And make it one that includes room for unexpected leftovers.

Dear Miss Manners: How do I word a birthday party invitation in which children don’t need to bring a present but do need to pay their entrance into the facility?

Gentle reader: Take out the words “birthday” and “party.”

What you have created is a suggestion that people you know should pay to go to a public facility at the same time as you. Miss Manners is afraid that that does not qualify as an invitation. And it certainly does not solicit thoughts of adding a present.