Sick child should always come first in co-parenting relationship
Q: The guy I have been dating for a year just told me that his ex and their daughter are moving back in with him. Evidently, his daughter is very sick, and his ex can’t take care of her by herself, so he suggested they move back in with him. We do not live together, but we were talking about it after the first of the year. Now those plans are on hold. Although he has assured me this is just an arrangement of convenience, I’m not comfortable with the whole thing. What’s good ex-etiquette?
A: Good ex-etiquette starts with “Putting the children first,” which it sounds like your boyfriend is trying to do, but the arrangement you describe would make just about anyone uncomfortable.
Co-parenting relationships are often unconventional, and this can be difficult for new partners. It’s understandable if you’re saying, “Hey, wait a minute.” So, let’s examine some background.
How forthcoming has your boyfriend been? If he has integrated you into his life with his daughter and introduced you to her mother, that would have been a positive step. However, if he has kept you separate, you don’t know his daughter and have never met her mother — that’s a red flag.
Although a situation as you describe can be quite disconcerting, it’s the type of unpredictability you may face when dating a parent. A sick child takes precedent, and co-parents must learn to put their heads together to figure out solutions.
Depending on how sick this child is, you may have to put moving in together on hold for now. Or, depending on how involved you and the parents want you to be in the child’s recovery, you could be part of the solution. Have that discussion. Look for solutions in the name of the child. That’s good exetiquette.