How to be supportive when your co-parent is unwell
Q: My ex has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. It makes it very difficult to co-parent. Will the courts grant me full custody when the other parent has a diagnosis like that? What’s good exetiquette?
A: Lots of people struggle with mental illness.
If a parent is struggling and there is a question of primary custody, it’s the parent’s behavior that determines with whom the child will live, not the diagnosis.
For example, if your co-parent has cancer, the diagnosis is certainly not a reason to adjust custody. But if the parent is so sick that they can’t take care of the child, that’s when a decision might be made to adjust the child’s time with the parent.
Does that mean a sick parent might be penalized because they are sick? This is where good co-parenting comes in. It has been my experience that judges greatly respect a parent that will step in to help a sick co-parent.
Bipolar disorder is a difficult diagnosis for all concerned. However, it is a disorder that can be successfully managed with therapy and medication.
What can you do as a supportive co-parent if your co-parent is mentally or physically ill?
Be available to fill in so disruption is kept to a minimum.
Urge your co-parent to stay med-compliant and attend therapy sessions.
Don’t use your co-parent’s vulnerabilities against them.
Intercede if your child is unsafe, but monitor your co-parent’s progress and return to the past parenting plan when your co-parent is better and they can resume taking care of the children.
Never badmouth or undermine your co-parent in any way.
All in all, look for ways to help, not hinder. Do it in the best interest of your children.