Make plan to avoid outbursts in front of your child
Q: My ex and I had an amicable split. After a year or so, we put together a parenting plan that worked, but we left off Father’s
Day and Mother’s Day.
That means our son may be scheduled to spend Father’s Day with me and vice versa. It doesn’t happen all the time, but this year, it did. In the interest of “good ex-etiquette” I offered to
take our son to his father’s home so they could spend the day together. There was traffic. I texted I would be 1 0 minutes late. When I arrived, my ex yelled at the top of his lungs, “Get in this car! It’s my time now!” My son was in shock and started to cry, and as they pulled away I could see his father yelling at him for being late. I’m at a loss. A:
We are dealing with more than an ex-etiquette problem if the exchange happened exactly as you report. Let’s see if we can formulate a plan to prevent this in the future.
Most kids I talk to tell me they hate exchanges because “their parents are so mean.” When I’ve called this to parents’ attention, the response is often, “I yelled at his mom/dad one time. He’ll get over it.” Sometimes both parents are angry. Then a child has nowhere to go but inward. And they will, if parents who share custody don’t get a grip.
What do you do? If this sounds like you, address YOUR anger. It is not only affecting you, but your child — and it will eventually backfire. If you don’t have a plan in place to address situations like this, put your heads together and make one.
For example: You’re late. You call. Your son is listening to the exchange. “Hi. Happy Father’s Day.
There’s traffic and it’s slowing us down. Looks like we’re going to be 10 minutes late. I’m so sorry. I know how much you want to see Brian.” He says, “I’ve been waiting for a few minutes, but thank you for letting me know.” No editorializing. No blame. No fault. Sound ridiculously simple? That’s the point.