Friend with marriage woes needs only a sympathetic ear
Dear Miss Manners:
A friend of mine, who is married and has a 10-year-old son, asked for my advice. She said that her husband was texting a “friend” at midnight, and he denied that it was an affair.
However, she has other examples of his questionable behavior, leading her to believe that he is, in fact, having an affair. For example, he says that he’s working but comes home very late and has been drinking.
I don’t think she wants a divorce, but I’m at a loss to give her advice.
Gentle Reader: Very sensible of you. Miss Manners advises you to pay attention to that feeling because whatever the outcome for the couple, you would be the loser.
If they reconcile, whether or not there was an affair — something you are not in a position to know — they will be embarrassed you know about their troubles. If you advise her to separate from him, she will associate you with the unpleasantness involved.
This is not to say that Miss Manners thinks you should turn away from your needy friend — only that you should refrain from offering her advice. It is a greater contribution to listen to your friend’s worries and to draw out from her what might be the result of various actions that she (not you) is thinking of taking.
Dear Miss Manners:
One of my children is getting married soon. Is it appropriate to invite only parents and grandparents to the ceremony for a reception of 200plus people?
I have never heard of this and foresee many close family members hurt by this decision. How do you do this to a close-knit family? Gentle Reader:
Time was when it was considered acceptable to invite guests to the ceremony but not the reception, or to the reception but not the ceremony. Miss Manners never condoned the former, and she recommends a judicious use of the latter.
People no longer pop into a wedding in their neighborhoods, as when the girl next door married the boy next door. They often need complicated travel arrangements in order to attend. Therefore, excluding them from part of the occasion, unless there is a compelling reason to have a private ceremony, is not likely to be taken well.