All that Chaz
Whether wrestling or working security at Minute Maid Park, Chaz Taylor — and his trademark hair — stand out.
I went to the last Astros home game this season. Between innings, security guards would jump the guard rail and patrol the field to make sure everything was safe and sound and fans stayed in the stands.
One security guard stood out — a big burly man with a barrel chest. He had to weigh 250 pounds, with short hair on top and a mullet that ran halfway down his back. It was the longest, craziest mullet I’ve ever seen. All business on top, a party in the back.
From behind, I thought, “Wow, Crystal Gayle has really let herself go.
Fans were taking selfies with him. He was waving to the crowd. He was a character, all right.
I kept thinking, I know this guy. But from where? Around the fifth inning, it hit me.
That’s Chaz Taylor, the teenage “Love Machine” from pro wrestling back in the ’80s.
After the game, I walked down to the rail. So tell me about your life, Chaz … and that mullet.
“I started wrestling when I was still at Cy-Fair High School. I was 16 years old and weighed 170 pounds soaking wet. My dad (Tugboat Taylor) was a wrestler, so it was natural that I became one, too. In the beginning, I was a ‘throwing dummy.’ Other wrestlers would throw me around, practicing their moves. Eventually, I learned enough to where they let me do a match,” he said.
“I wrestled the Destroyer in my first match. It was in a sports bar in Baytown. We went about 12 minutes. He tossed me over the top rope like a bag of trash. I jumped back to the ring apron, climbed to the top rope and hit him with a flying clothesline for the pin.”
Chaz played football and threw the discus for Cy-Fair, went to North Harris Community College for a brief time and signed a contract to wrestle professionally in Mexico. He got married, had two kids, got a divorce and broke most of his body parts. You know the children’s game Operation? That’s Chaz.
“Let’s see, I’ve had multiple concussions, tore up both of my knees, a few broken ribs, broke both of my arms, tore my bicep and broke my nose,” he said. “When I was sidelined and couldn’t wrestle, I picked up jobs with a printing company and department stores to get health insurance.”
Early in his wrestling career, WWE superstar Sean Michaels gave him the nickname “Love Machine.”
What a coincidence! That was my nickname in high school, too.
He’s won a whole bunch of wrestling titles: Global Wrestling Federation Light Heavyweight Champion, NWA Texas Heavyweight Champion, NWA Oklahoma Heavyweight Champion and Global Wrestling Tag-Team Champions with partner Steven Dane.
“My eventual feud with Steven Dane led to the world’s first and only Bungee Match. We were 190 feet up in the air,” he said.
His finishing maneuver is the “Chaz-tiser.” Very punny.
While continuing to wrestle back in the United States, Japan, Mexico and everywhere else, he caught the acting bug. He’s had roles in music videos for ZZ Top and Coolio, commercials for Doritos and Whataburger, and movies including “Tin Cup,” “Schism,” “Our Neighborhood,” “Anna Nicole and the Starlight Angel” and “Hairmetal Zombie Shotgun Massacre.”
I’m not a film critic, but how could the Acad- emy Awards not give the best-picture Oscar to “Hairmetal Zombie Shotgun Massacre”? For my money, it’s the best zombie-massacre movie ever.
Next week, Taylor is filming a comedy short called “Suplex, Duplex, Complex” for cable’s Adult Swim channel. He will play a wrestler from the ’80s who shares an apartment with other wrestlers.
OK, we’re all caught up. Tell me about your mullet.
“I started growing it a few years ago for a movie called ‘A Promising Game,’ ” he said. “I like it, it’s part of who I am now. It’s absolutely opened doors for me and led to roles. Originally, I was offered a different part in the Adult Swim short. But when they saw my mullet, they cast me in a bigger role.
“I get my hair cut every six months or so. My stylist knows what to do. I use Clairol Herbal Essences because it brings life, shine and vitality to my hair. The humidity sometimes makes my hair go ‘FanChaztic,’ and I use Garnier Fructis Marvelous Oil Frizz Defy 5-Action Hair Elixir.”
Again, what a coincidence. That’s what I use, too.
“My hair does get a little curly when I lie down for my beauty sleep. So I spread my mullet out on a pillow, like a peacock spreads his feathers. This makes for less brushing in the morning. I do not damage my hair with curling irons or hair dryers.”
I asked, does your mullet ever get in the way of your job as a security guard or anything else?
“There is never an inconvenience in being beautiful,” he said.
“Everyone should strive in life to achieve their goals of making it to the moon. If you happen to fall short, you will find yourself surrounded by stars like me.”