Get a gift and leave your incredulity out of it
Dear Miss Manners:
What do you get two conservative Christian Republican men who have sprung out of the closet and announced they are getting married?
I’m really confused. But as I have social and business ties with them, I must attend and not offend. Gentle Reader:
Was offending them otherwise your plan?
Your confusion as to this couple’s union seems highly irrelevant in selecting a present for them. (And certainly, you do not really need Miss Manners to explain to you how any two people could possibly fall in love and get married.)
If you have social and business ties to them, then you probably know something about their tastes. If you do not, then ask someone who does.
But please do not create a theme (like “How could this happen?!”) where none is warranted. This would hardly be the first couple whose guests wondered at the suitability of their match — but under no circumstance is it anybody else’s business. Dear Miss Manners:
When I invited a friend to a dinner party, she asked if she could bring some berries for guests to put in their salads, and whatever was left over, I could keep. When I saw the large amount of berries she brought, I was looking forward to making a pie.
After the main course, when everyone was sitting around and conversing, she went into the kitchen and brought out the bowl of berries. She told everyone how good they were for you, scooped up handfuls for herself and her husband and insisted others try them.
I quickly offered homemade dessert if anyone had room for it, but everyone declined. I did eventually bring my dessert out, and it was barely touched.
Was I wrong for feeling my guest should not have taken over my menu? I spent time and effort making a lovely dessert, which no one touched except my husband and myself. I was also disappointed with the diminished “gift,” which was only enough for topping my bowl of cereal the next morning. What could I have done differently? Gentle Reader:
Not much. You were duped. Your clever friend brought the berries under false pretenses by making a reasonable offer that you — and then your guests — could hardly decline.
Next time, Miss Manners suggests that you politely demur, stating that you have your menu already planned. And if your friend brings the berries anyway, you have every right to omit them from the meal and proceed with your plans: to take them, bake them and put ’em in a pie. Visit Miss Manners at missmanners.com, where you can send her your questions.