Workplace predators: How not to be one
Reading about the dozens of celebrities, politicians and senior businesspeople accused of sexually harassing employees and vulnerable co-workers, I have to wonder if I ever mistreated someone.
I don’t think I did. I certainly never groped anyone, nor have I ever made a pass at someone who worked for me. But did I make an inappropriate remark? Did I behave badly in some other way? Could I have been more conscientious in protecting my co-workers?
Maybe? Probably? I can’t be sure, because so much is in the eye of the beholder, and too often women feel they can’t correct bad behavior without getting into trouble.
Every man who has ever supervised or held power over a woman in the workplace should be asking himself these questions. And anyone who thinks the current conversation about sexual harassment is not a cultural turning point is going to end up on the wrong side of a human resources investigation.
Sexual harassment is a spectrum of behaviors, ranging from an unwanted compliment to an off-color joke to a creepy back rub to rape. Criminal behavior is clearly wrong, but what’s more pervasive is inappropriate behavior that too many men think is innocuous: the lingering hug, flirting, pressure to go on a date, sex talk at work.
A misunderstanding of power dynamics and personal insecurities underlies sexual harassment. And since they are also fundamental to the human experience, addressing them requires constant vigilance.
No one should be surprised that the men recently exposed as harassers were in positions
No one should be surprised that the men recently exposed as harassers were in positions of authority or notoriety.
of authority or notoriety. Rank has its privileges, and unfortunately, some men think those privileges include sexual power games.
Fox News founder Roger Ailes notoriously demanded fealty from all employees, but he expected female employees to dress and behave according to his sexual predilections.
“I think you and I should have had a sexual relationship a long time ago, and then you’d be good and better and I’d be good and better,” Ailes told Fox News anchor Gretchen Carlson, in a conversation she secretly recorded.
Ailes believed power is the ultimate aphrodisiac. President Donald Trump’s comments about women welcoming sexual assault by famous men reveals how power, ego and desire create noxious behavior.
Well-balanced people of character know, though, that these powerful men are deluding themselves. If a victim complies, she most likely did so fearing retribution.
Film producer Harvey Weinstein and comedian Louis CK went a step further and intentionally manipulated women into situations where they could display their power by masturbating in front of them.
“This kind of exhibitionism is also rooted in deep sexual inadequacy,” Alexandra Katehakis, clinical director of the Center for Health Sex in Los Angeles, explained to the Washington Post. “It’s a hair’s breadth away from rape . ... It’s what we call a non-contact offense, but it’s an offense.”
Over my 28 years in the workforce, I’ve met hundreds of men who refused to acknowledge that when they made a pass at someone over whom they had power and privilege, their action was not suave, it was coercion.
I saw this particularly in developing countries, where well-paid American and European men took advantage of local women in the workplace whose families survived on less than $100 a month. These mostly white men had no problem stringing along naive young women, knowing that they would never fulfill the woman’s dream of getting married and taking her family to a wealthy country.
Men who like to play power games are also good at identifying women with insecurities, those who are least likely to complain. That is what makes them predators.
Every large company employs at least one man — and they are mostly men — who has an overblown sense of himself, his privilege and his sexual prowess. The rest of us must join with our female co-workers and shut them down.
Managers must inoculate the workplace with regular sexual harassment prevention training that reflects the complex real-world examples revealed by current events.
Companies must maintain secure and anonymous reporting channels so employees can identify bad behavior before it escalates. Experts agree that sexual harassers start slow and test a company’s tolerance before escalating to illicit acts.
Lastly, when someone does cross the line, the perpetrator must be publicly punished, not the victim. More than a dozen women have told me that they did not want to report harassment because they feared being labeled a troublemaker. Until women who call out bad actors are treated like heroes for protecting the company’s interests, too many victims will not come forward.
Introspection is hard, but all supervisors should be reliving their careers right now, asking themselves, “When did I behave badly? When might I have done more? How can I do better?”
The workplace is not a nightclub where people go to flirt. People with authority should never make any kind of sexual comment in the office, let alone a sexual advance. And we should never tolerate bad behavior.
We know these things. They are common sense. But past performance begs the question: Are you ready to live up to society’s new, higher expectations?