Arceneaux on why he ‘Can’t Date Jesus’ and worships at the altar of Beyoncé
Michael Arceaneaux left Houston years ago to pursue his pop-culture passions. He’s a smart and funny writer whose commentary on being black and loving Beyoncé has appeared on a spate of websites, including Essence, Complex and The Root. He’s also written for The New York Times magazine, Washington Post and Esquire, among others.
But Arceaneaux still has a local phone number.
“I like change in some instances. I don’t like it in this one,” he says. “I would love to keep my 713 number as long as humanly possible.”
His new book, “I Can’t Date Jesus: Love, Sex, Family, Race, and Other Reasons I’ve Put My Faith in Beyoncé,” concentrates everything that makes Arceneaux’s voice so bold and bracing, including his unwavering love for the city. He’ll sign copies Monday at Brazos Bookstore.
Arceaneaux recounts pivotal moments in his life, from growing up in a religious household ruled by macho tropes to a sexual experience involving a possible flea outbreak. He frames it with his love of Janet Jackson, Mary J. Blige and, of course, Beyoncé. More important, he reveals what their music taught him about embracing his sexuality, expressing emotion and living your best life.
“I’m trying to get the book to (Beyoncé). I need her to read how much I love her,” he says. “I feel like she knows all, but maybe I need to mail it to Miss Tina (Knowles-Lawson, Beyoncé’s mother).”
“This book is for anyone who has struggled with reconciling who they are with what they were taught to believe that means. For me, it’s just the context of being raised Catholic, being a queer person and actually wanted to engage and enjoy pleasure and lead a full life.”
Arceneaux talked recently about all of it, including his love of “dudes in Jordans riding horses down the street.”
Q: Strong female singers figure prominently throughout the book, from Janet Jackson to Mary J. Blige. But you use them to explore bigger themes in your own life.
A:
I get it. Gay men love a lot of these wonderful women singers. But I wanted to contextualize it, even beyond just gay men. There’s a reason why we sometimes have these emotional relationships to these people. And it’s not just this idea that we worship them for some superficial reason. For a lot of us, pop culture is our access point, particularly if you don’t grow up with a lot of money and access. Pop culture was my window into a world beyond my original contemplation. Mary J. Blige made me feel sad. Janet Jackson made me realize I’m a bit of a late bloomer. Beyoncé makes me just feel really good about myself and love all parts of myself. Those connections are real and valid, and I just wanted to capture it in a way.
Q: Would it be fair to say a pair of powerful women, your mom and of course Beyoncé, anchored much of your upbringing and the book?
A:
My mom is the strongest person I know. I’m a mama’s boy. I think Beyoncé to me represents strength in a different way. I will say where they intersect is that I didn’t grow up ever questioning blackness. I didn’t grow up thinking black people couldn’t achieve anything. My mom, as I mention in the book, took me to black doctors and took me to black dentists. College wasn’t an option. My mom just always made me feel good about being black. When you enter more mainstream spaces, they encourage the opposite. With Beyoncé, that’s a country black girl from Houston who does very country black things from Houston, and she has managed to become the biggest pop star in the world by making the masses come to her, not the other way around. They each have influenced me in those ways to be proud of who I am, even if we have conflicts on what that might mean.
Q: You really delve into your relationship with your parents, which is complicated, to say the least, and their relationship with each other.
A:
I wanted to be honest but be respectful. In telling your story, you will have to include other people, but there’s only so much of their story you should put into yours because it’s not necessarily your place to tell it. You have to walk a really fine line. I really, truly love my parents. I love them so much. Writing is a very hard life, particularly if you don’t come from money. But the book came out when it was supposed to. I wanted to be at as much peace as I could create for myself. One thing I try to say in the book is sometimes you have to create your own closure, and in doing that, you have to forgive.
Q: In turn, you also have a complicated relationship with Houston — but put on for the city at every possibility.
A:
I love Houston. I just think my upbringing in Houston makes going home hard. It’s more so the family and the past. But it’s never really Houston. I miss Whataburger, Pappadeaux. I miss barbecue. I miss boudain. I miss crawfish that’s actually made correctly. I miss driving so much. I miss the way people look. Houston has beautiful people. I miss the accents. I miss seeing dudes in Jordans riding horses down the street like nothin’ of it. I miss running outside by Rice (University). I miss this sushi place in the Heights. While I love New York, it’s cold here. That subway is raggedy. They don’t know how to make anything Creole. They don’t have Tex
Mex.