Picky friends can make for stressful houseguests
Dear Miss Manners:
I have several friends who come to my house repeatedly for visits of two to four days and are very picky about what they like and don’t like, foodwise.
One only likes Greek yogurt for breakfast, and another can’t stand Greek yogurt (they are both at my house for the same visit). One complains every time we go out that there is something wrong with the food, or there is something she doesn’t like: She has complained about the smell of the restaurant when walking in, the attitude of the waitress, and on and on.
I know having both kinds of yogurt available is easy, but I am exhausted by these friends and all their pickiness.
Gentle Reader:
“I never seem to be able to please you all when it comes to meals, either at my house or going to restaurants. I wonder if you could confer before our next visit and work out what sort of food would appeal to all.”
Miss Manners warns that dinner might then be the entrails from the bloody battle that ensues, but at least you will have extracted yourself from the problem — and cannot be blamed for its seemingly impossible solution.
Dear Miss Manners:
A few years ago, my husband’s brother died suddenly. He had a developmental disability and lived his entire life with my husband’s parents.
At the time of his death, my husband and I were traveling with our two young children, who were 1 and 4. We decided my husband would go to the funeral, which was also out of town, while I returned home with our children.
At the time, I was very supportive of my husband in handling his grief. However, I may not have given the same level of support to my in-laws. They do not remember my calling to express my condolences.
The time was so hectic and sad that I honestly cannot say with certainty if I did or did not call, although it would be out of the ordinary for me not to. And my family (parents, sister and I) all sent a floral arrangement to the funeral. My attention, though, was solely directed at my very sad husband and our young children. The family is apparently quite upset with me at this perceived slight.
I just have to know: If I did not call, was this a major faux pas? If so, how major? Any chance I can repair it? How would you recommend I do so? This continues to follow me years later.
Gentle Reader:
Oh dear. That’s a large build-up of resentment.
Miss Manners’ least favorite excuse, however good the intention may have been, is being too busy or distracted to acknowledge a major family event or tragedy. A call would have been easy. A letter would have been better.
It is not too late to write one now. Apologize profusely, speaking affectionately and specifically about their son and avoiding the temptation to make excuses — especially the one that states that you thought the task had already been done.