Coworker creates discomfort with behavior
Q: I have worked closely with a colleague for more than six years. Each time I thought I knew her, she changed personalities. She started out as kind and helpful, always willing to recommend me to the boss and bring me in on her projects. She was working at a higher level than I was, so I greatly appreciated the recommendations because I was always learning new things. I pushed myself to perform at a higher level than many of my coworkers. I worked hard and long hours because I never wanted to disappoint anyone on the team. Word spread, and more of her colleagues asked for me to be on their projects. I continued to advance in my level of work, and I became known as someone who could learn anything — someone to be counted on no matter what the work involved. I put work first and let nothing interfere.
The woman who championed me turned from nice to controlling and authoritative. Her advice turned from helpful insider hints to arrogant putdowns, as if she had to assert herself so I would know she was higher up in the hierarchy than I was. I ignored her attitude change; I was still appreciative for having always been recommended. I’m the kind of person who never forgets anyone who helps me along the way. But after a few more years, she changed again, only this time she turned into a negative, arrogant control freak — one I could not tolerate.
I always was a high achiever, and it seemed like my ability angered her. I never responded or retaliated, but I distanced myself once I saw this personality change. I joined teams that were not hers so as to keep my distance and protect myself from her behavior. I am uncomfortable having an adversary at work, but I won’t subject myself to her jabs. How do I end this situation she has created? I don’t like drama and negativity, but ignoring her has made me feel very uncomfortable and awkward.
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AJealousy is an ugly character trait, but it sounds like it’s one she was not aware she had. Your high performance level may have shocked her, and though she clearly wanted to help you in the beginning, she did not want your success and respect at work to surpass hers.
Invite her to a fun and casual lunch under the guise of not getting a chance to talk much at work. Don’t announce you have something you’d like to talk about, as such a warning will signal something is up or could possibly be stressful enough that she will not accept.
Make this a friendly, social lunch where you express your appreciation for all she has done. Many reasons could stir jealous feelings. She may feel you never thanked her for the many projects she invited you to join; she may feel that although she is a higher rank than you, you may be more likable than she is; she may also have heard many positive comments about you from her colleagues and inwardly feels less valuable than you.
Such behavior doesn’t appear for no reason. Her exterior may seem poised and confident, but your success may have broken down her false sense of security. Maintain your calm and casual attitude throughout your conversation. It may disarm her to see that you want to be friendly, so reaching out to her socially may be all she needed. She may open up and admit she hasn’t been as friendly as she would like, so let her talk and release all that’s going through her mind.
Hopefully the damage can be undone, and you both can experience the once-pleasant work relationship. A warm, friendly conversation can soothe a myriad of problems and misunderstandings, so look forward to resuming your previous work relationship with her based on respect. Some people need more reassurance than others, but in the end, everyone just wants to be accepted.
Q: I worked as a sales representative for a nationwide company for five years. About 40% of the sales force consisted of female sales reps, yet the men were the only ones to make it into the “Achievers Club,” where they made up to
$300,000 compared to the females making just over $100,000. As top achievers, the men also received gifts such as extravagant vacations, high-end watches, stock options and more.
I believe the reason the men made three times more than the women was because our female boss favored men by giving them top-quality leads that offered the greatest potential. The women received leads offering the lowest potential. Our boss knew which leads were the best, and she alone controlled the distribution. I brought up the topic to her several times, but nothing changed.
I compared the number of men to women and analyzed the percentage of how many women and men would make the Achievers Club. At least two to three females should have been in the top 12 each year, but only men made it the entire time I worked there.
I was so frustrated I resigned, and when she said she didn’t receive the letter, I sent it to her and her managers regarding the entire situation. No one addressed the situation with me or any of the other women, but they did pay me all of my commission. Is filing with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission worth it?
:C
Aonsider both the practical and legal side of the situation. It’s unfortunate you allowed your frustration to take over. You were in a more strategically favorable situation to seek a new position rather than being unemployed. Despite the alleged inequality of leads, $100,000 or more is not a sum to reject, and now you could be faced with being unemployed for longer than you would like. More importantly, you might have had access to any information the EEOC may have asked for to learn more about the less-qualified leads given to the women.
Your boss and her managers could not discuss or adjust the situation with you, as they feared a lawsuit. They were probably waiting to see if you planned on filing a complaint.
No one can guarantee whether it’s worth it for you to file an EEOC charge against the company, just as there are no guarantees of a guilty verdict in a court of law. EEOC investigators will review your information and documentation, but as with any government system, they may be overwhelmed with the workload and slow to determine whether your charge can be supported by law. Many who file an EEOC charge also consult an attorney who concentrates on such lawsuits.
You may want to contact the other women in the same sales position you held to see if they are interested in filing as well. If they join you in your pursuit of equality, they will be protected by law against retaliatory termination by the company. Of course, if a company wants to find other reasons to terminate employment, it may do so.
Filing an EEOC charge can also be an emotional journey as you take on a major company, but you have already left your job, so you may as well look into the potential. You will need documentation regarding the leads, distribution of leads and sales made to prove favoritism, but if your female colleagues join you in the fight for equal leads that translate into equal pay, you and the others may stand a better chance of winning.