Celebrating Mother’s Day — from a distance
Houston families find new ways to connect during the pandemic
Accompanied by an assortment of plastic doodads — a flamingo, an elf, a mariachi and a humanoid jack-o’-lantern — Winnie Byrnes looks out the window of the Sunrise assisted living facility and sees her family.
Her daughter Laurel and Laurel’s son Liam visit the Cinco Ranch facility as they have often during the coronavirus pandemic: standing just outside Winnie’s window and talking via cellphone. Sometimes Laurel walks to Sunrise accompanied by Sandy, Winnie’s beloved dog.
“I feel for others with parents in assisted living facilities that are high-rises,” Laurel says. “She’s in a one-story building. So it works.”
Winnie has been at Sunrise about
two years. Prior to the pandemic, Laurel and her cousin would visit regularly with a folding table, a home-cooked dinner and a deck of cards for a night of poker. But such interaction has been impossible for nearly two months. And this Mother’s Day, like many other mothers, Winnie won’t be able to physically connect with her family, as social distancing policies keep visitors outside.
Because Winnie has struggled with memory issues, Laurel says, “The one blessing is her sense of a time frame isn’t there anymore. She doesn’t realize how long she’s been there.”
But Laurel still plans to make it the closest visit possible for the family, including her father George, Winnie’s partner of more than 66 years. Laurel has three other children, so she’s hoping to get the rest of the family teleconferenced in during the day for what will be a heartfelt if unorthodox Mother’s Day.
“Normally we’d be going to their house or do something here at our house,” Laurel says. “A big dinner with the grandkids. But I’m going to try to drop some things at the door for her, and we’ll do the best we can.”
“I think she’s appreciated us just showing up and saying hi, even with our faces behind masks,” Liam adds. “So we’ll certainly make the most of it on Mother’s Day. We have a lot of plans to stop by, have my siblings pop in by video chat and say hello. It will be a little different, but she’ll get to have some good conversations and see everybody.”
As a government-recognized holiday, Mother’s Day celebrates its 106th year in 2020. The day has evolved greatly since it was formalized by Anna Jarvis more than a century ago. Jarvis, in fact, spoke against its commercialization in her later years. Without question this Mother’s Day will be unlike any in its American history, as families navigate social distancing practices as best they can amid a pandemic.
Despite an economic slowdown, the tills will ring — or more aptly click — as Americans spend a record amount on Mother’s Day. The National Retail Federation estimated Mother’s Day as a $25 billion holiday in 2019, up $2 billion from the previous year. Based on a survey conducted by Prosper Insights and Analytics in early April, consumers are expected to spend on average $8 more than last year. A $26.7 billion Mother’s Day is projected.
Admittedly the look of it will be different, as many Americans are loath to leave their homes. Flowers and cards remain viable options at brick-and-mortar retailers since grocery stores and pharmacies have remained open during the pandemic. But online options are increasing in availability. Etsy reported an 86 percent increase in searches for Mother’s Day cards between 2019 and 2020. Its offerings include cards to be shipped and cards that can be downloaded and printed at home.
While the business of Mother’s Day continues its upward trajectory, the actual connection and appreciation Jarvis envisioned a century ago remains fraught as families figure out ways to reconcile celebration with social distancing.
Over the past few months, Helaine Parks has spent so much time with her son Shawn’s family that he built a Murphy bed so she can stay overnight at the house when their visits run long.
Helaine’s husband, Terry, died unexpectedly last October.
“They met when he was 16 and she was 17,” says Shawn, a music instructor who owns the Bojangles Music School. “They’d been together nearly 50 years — complete opposites who canceled each other out every election since Nixon. But they made it work. Just a beautiful example of how to treat a soulmate, something their kids all noticed.”
A retired schoolteacher, Helaine has helped with home repairs — including a nasty process of stripping layers of linoleum from some hardwood floors — and also looked after the son of Shawn and his wife Elisabeth, Guy, nearly a year-and-ahalf, and Elisabeth’s older son, Gus, 7.
“It was really sweet they fixed the place for me,” she says.
“All the first things that first year have been difficult,” she says. “It’s just not the way it was supposed to be. But I have such wonderful kids calling me to make sure I’m OK, telling me to come live with them.”
She has four children in the Houston area and they have children of their own. So navigating Mother’s Day will prove as difficult as other days during this period of quarantine as family members try their best to interact while also taking precautions to protect those who may be more vulnerable to infection.
This family’s ability to connect has been further compromised during the pandemic. Elisabeth’s sister, a physician, often has her mother, Deborah Williams, take care of her son.Because one daughter has a higher risk of exposure, Williams has limited her contact with the Parks family.
On Easter, she went to the Parks’ home early and hid some eggs for the boys to find as she watched from across the street.
“That aspect of it breaks my heart,” Shawn says. “Debbie has kept her distance and she understands why she needs to do it because my sister-in-law is at a higher risk. So I’m very aware of the sacrifices my mother-in-law is making for my mother. How selfless she’s been as a mother and a grandmother.”
“I try to focus on being grateful for what we have,” Elisabeth adds. “I like having more time to hang out with Gus and Guy. But my sister is my best friend, and I miss her and my mom.”
Gus also spends long weeks with his father during the summer. He returns from one of those visits on Mother’s Day.
“That’ll be the best part of my day for sure,” Elisabeth says.
She’s planning to drop little gifts on her mother’s front steps. They’ll all make calls to family, grill some food and appreciate each other’s company during a strange time.
“The grandchildren have been the one thing that brings a smile to my face,” Helaine says. “They are the point of it all. And it’s fun to be around them.”
“Right,” Shawn says. Then, he can barely say it without a chuckle: “Now get back to work on the floor, Mom.”