Like Meghan and Harry, interracial couples in Houston area find race still matters
Love conquers all, even racism. I’d like to believe that.
After watching the Oprah Winfrey interview with Meghan Markle and Prince Harry last week, it was bittersweet to see a happy ending for the mixed-race couple who have endured microaggressions and race-related hate. No one should have to go through that.
The interview, which was seen by 17 million in the United States, captivated supporters of the couple for several reasons. First, Markle revealed that the racial attacks became so intense that she contemplated taking her own life. When she sought help, she was met with a dismissive sorrynot-sorry shrug. Second, she and Prince Harry shocked Winfrey when they shared that certain royal family members were concerned about how dark their son’s skin would be.
Perhaps Markle, who has an African American mother and white father, was naive to believe the British monarchy and media would accept her. Critics have said that Markle had been living a charmed life at Buckingham Palace, and therefore, should not bristle at rudeness.
But rudeness and racism are not the same thing, she told Winfrey.
Markle’s mental health and the racism she experienced are inherently connected. You cannot talk about her mental state without discussing the tabloid headlines that called her upbringing “(almost) straight outta Compton” and that labeled her skin as “rich and exotic,” an objectifying stereotype often given to women of color.
“From the beginning of our relationships, they were so attacking and inciting so much racism, really. It changed the risk level,” Markle told Winfrey.
Houston native Danielle BurnsWilson, like me, watched the interview intensely, and she found herself feeling connected to the couple. Burns-Wilson is a Black woman married to David Wilson, a white man, and together they are raising their young son.
“There were always undertones about race when we married, but, for us, it was a hair thing,” she said. “People were curious what his hair would look like. There’s always a mystery with interracial couples, particularly when they have children.”
Burns-Wilson said she and her husband never really discussed race or how their child may be perceived in the world. Maybe Markle and Harry didn’t either.
“These are conversations that you think you’ve had, but you really haven’t,” Burns-Wilson said. “Not in any in-depth way. After our son was born, we had to talk about how he would be seen. I knew he would be seen as a Black boy, but David didn’t see that. White people think about race differently than Black people, so we had to talk it out.”
Burn-Wilson’s fair complexion, like Markle’s, adds another layer to the race discussion.
“I do know that being light skinned, you are often seen as not as threatening because you’re not as obvious, but race still matters. I’m a Black woman, and I see the world through that lens,” she said.
As this nation continues to deal with a racial reckoning, Hollywood seems focused on normalizing interracial marriages and relationships. Nexflix’s “Bridgerton,” a series set during Britain’s Regency Era of the 1800s, features a multiracial cast and courtships. There’s a Black queen — based on the real-life Queen Sophia Charlotte of MecklenburgStrelitz — who is believed to have had African ancestry. Among her descendants is Queen Elizabeth
II, Prince Harry’s grandmother.
A variety of new Netflix and Amazon Prime rom-coms pair couples from different ethnic groups without race ever being mentioned in the story line. I find that refreshing.
In an ideal world, race should not be an issue, especially in love. Until someone has something to say about your child’s skin or hair, or worse.
The experience of racism can have a devastating effect on mental health and can lead to depression and other stress illnesses.
“We need a bigger conversation in our society with regard to how we help people who are struggling and dealing with mental health issues,” said Rheeda Walker, Ph.D., a licensed clinical psychologist, University of Houston professor and director of UH’s Culture, Risk and Resilience Lab. “Then we need a conversation on how we deal with racism because part of the problem with racism is having to convince people that it is a problem. Black people often have to convince others that racism is as bad as it is and as stressful as it is. And nobody wants to have to go through that.”
Walker, who is also the author of “The Unapologetic Guide to Black Mental Health” (New Harbinger Publications), said research shows that people who grow up in a mixed-race family tend to identify more with the race of the mother.
“So having a mother who is African American, Markle would have had some understanding about how Black women are treated in society,” Walker said. “So I wonder what was her disconnect that it would not be the case once she married into the royal family. It could be that she felt so incredibly loved by both Harry and the queen that she allowed herself to believe that she would not be subjected to what other Black people are subjected to. But it doesn’t matter who you are as a Black person, you will have to navigate racism.”
According to the Pew Research Center, one in six newlyweds is married to someone of a different race or ethnicity. Asian and Hispanic people are by far the most likely to intermarry in the United States, and white people are the least likely of all major racial or ethnic groups to marry someone of a different race or ethnicity. Although Houston is recognized as the most diverse major metropolitan city in the nation, only 19 percent of Houston-area marriages were interracial between 2011 and 2015, according to the center.
Stephanie Dedeaux, who is Black, and husband Charlie Keene, who is white, have been married since 1996, when there “weren’t a lot of interracial couples,” Dedeaux said. They have three teenage daughters.
“Everyone wanted the Meghan and Harry fairy tale to be real, but even in interracial marriages, you will still face headwinds,” she said.
“My girls have grown up with other interracial children. I’ve had to learn to see things through their eyes, not ours. A lot of my concern has been more about them being a woman and the vulnerabilities we face. I try to help them live in the world they live in, but still when you see racism or hear it, you feel it.”
Interracial marriage has been legal in the United States only since 1967 with the U.S. Supreme Court ruling in Loving v. Virginia.
Burns-Wilson’s brother, Stafford Burns, is also in an interracial marriage to wife Jill, who is white. They lived in Britain for several years and saw first hand the scrutiny Markle, in particular, faced from the British media.
“I thought the royal family was turning a corner,” he said. “But (after watching the Winfrey interview) it felt like we had a seat at the table, but they took the seat away by not giving their son a title.”
Markle told Winfrey that the royal family decided that their son, Archie, who turns 2 in May, would not receive a title or the security that goes with it. Prince William has defended the family, saying the royals are “very much not a racist family.”
Regardless of her naivety, Markle’s decision to speak candidly about the emotional toll of racism makes Walker proud.
“While we wait for our larger society to fix racism, we as women of color, Black women, have to be here for each other — (as well as) the people who care about Black women because obviously Harry cares about his wife,” Walker said. “The people who are in the inner circles of Black women have to reach out and be available to those women. Because I don’t see racism going anywhere.”