Don’t make me leave Texas to support my child
Kai loves school. I mean, sure — on some days it’s hard to get her up and dressed for school, but I’m the mom of a 10-year-old. That comes with the territory. What really matters is that she’s excited to see her classmates and happy to be in class. As the mother of a transgender child, it is difficult to express what a blessing that is. Here in Austin, her teachers want the best for her, she has a great circle of friends, and our community supports her. That’s exactly what we hoped for when we moved here.
In 2018, I moved my family from Pearland, and I don’t want to move my children again, but I’m worried that we might have to. Texas legislators are currently debating a slate of bills that would put the lives of transgender youths like my daughter at risk. HB 1399 and HB 68 would ban the medical care she needs, and would punish her doctors, nurses and family for supporting her health and wellbeing. HB 68 goes so far as to accuse families who support their transgender children of committing “child abuse,” subject to criminal penalties for supporting their children.
If these bills pass, I will have to uproot our family and leave for a state with comprehensive nondiscrimination laws that explicitly prohibit discrimination against students on the basis of gender identity. Kai would have to leave their friends behind. As a mother and a registered nurse, I urge our state legislators to reject these harmful bans on best practice medical care. I also call on Congress to support a federal law that would protect the 13 million LGBTQ Americans across virtually every area of daily life.
It can be hard to understand what it’s like to have a transgender child, especially if you’ve never met someone who is transgender. My daughter was clear about her gender from a very young age, but it took me some time before I was able to accept the truth. She socially transitioned right before starting kindergarten. For Kai, social transition meant affirming her gender by using a new name and pronouns and letting her wear the clothes she felt comfortable wearing. By that time, I had learned that the best way to support her was to embrace her for who she is.
Unfortunately, our former school district was not on the same page. We started kindergarten right when the so-called “bathroom bill” was gaining traction in Texas, and anti-transgender propaganda was rampant. Our school superintendent said horrific things about transgender people, comparing their presence in public restrooms to “pedophilia and polygamy.” The elementary school had antitransgender policies that prohibited Kai and transgender students from using the bathroom that align with their gender identity. The school didn’t even offer guidance for staff to create an inclusive environment in which transgender students feel safe and supported. When I spoke at a school board meeting in defense of my daughter, the school board members walked out of the room. Our family started receiving death threats.
Although moving to Austin was the right choice, it was also our only option. We left everything behind. The move really put us in the hole financially, and we’ve only just now recovered, but it was worth it because Kai is happy and healthy. We’ve been able to put down roots and connect to a community where she can grow up like any other kid. Here in Austin, the city has an ordinance protecting LGBTQ people from discrimination, and the school district in 2014 updated its anti-discrimination and harassment policies to include “gender expression” in multiple references to ensure my child and all children can thrive in a safe school environment. The school district leadership has set a standard that has shaped an entire school district to be kind and truly inclusive of all children.
But these bills represent one of the most extreme political attacks on transgender people in recent memory. Not only do they display a fundamental lack of understanding of transgender children, they also ban best practice medical care for transgender youth that is backed by the American Academy of Pediatrics, the American Medical Association and other leading health authorities. Medical experts treat gender dysphoria with acceptance and affirmation with counseling, non-medical social transition and prescribed medication.
As a nurse, I cannot ignore clear evidence that I should affirm my daughter’s identity and do what’s best for my patients. If these bills pass, the state could revoke my nursing license for treating patients and impose criminal penalties, including jail time, fines and malpractice charges. As a parent, I could also be threatened with prosecution. Politicians should not be deciding what is best for patients. Those decisions should be up to patients and their health care providers, in accordance with current medical best practices.
I just want what’s best for my daughter. I want us to keep calling the Friendly State home. Transgender children, like any children, have the best chance to thrive when they are supported and can get the health care they need. If these bills pass, there will be no safe place left for us in Texas. We’ll have to relocate our family once again.