Helping mold your grandchild into a responsible individual
As well as I can remember, I was in seventh or eighth grade when high school girls began wearing their dad’s or older brother’s white dress shirts. These oversized tops were paired with blue jeans, rolled in large cuffs to just below the knees, bobby socks and black suede penny loafers — a true fashion statement in the late 1950s.
As usual, being able to join this fashion trend required a several-day sales campaign, which ended with my pleas: “Mom, please let me borrow one of dad’s shirts. It doesn’t have to be new. It can be old ... I’ll even wear one with stains. Please mom, all the other girls in my class are wearing them.”
I knew what was coming next: Mom would turn from whatever she was doing, put one hand on her hip and say, “And I guess, young lady, if all the girls in your class jumped in the lake, you’d jump right along with them.” (Later, the question would center around increasing daring, i.e., jumping off a bridge, a cliff, the Empire State Building.)
What could I say? Of course I wouldn’t jump ... from anywhere, at any height, into anything. Our conversation came to a screeching halt. Game over. Sometimes mom would cave. Sometimes not. If you did the math, I’m sure I lost more of these emotional debates than I won.
In her own wonky way, however, my mother was urging me to think for myself, rather than follow the herd, although, as a teenager, following the herd is much more comfortable than striking out on one’s own.
So how do you encourage individualism in a child?
From a grandparent’s standpoint, it’s a bit of an ego trip to see our grand darling show interest in something we’re also passionate about. For example, I’m an avid reader and a book lover, so when I see my 17-year-old grandson return from a trip to the mall with friends, carrying a stack of new books, my heart beats a bit faster. I also remember the hours spent reading to him, the times we went to the library as the highlight of a grandparents-grandchildren Saturday morning adventure. There also was our “reading stool” where grandchildren sat and allowed us to hear them read aloud as they were starting/beginning readers. But back to helping our grandchildren learn the importance of individualism.
One of the most difficult tasks for teens is figuring out who they are, what makes them tick and where they want to go. I agree. It’s a struggle, especially for kids who have multiple talents or interests — and P.S., some kids haven’t figured out who they are as they accept their diplomas at their college graduation.
As grandparents, our duty during our grandchildren’s early years is to broaden their world. Some grandparents can do this with travel. Others of us do this with trips to the fire station, parades, museums, concerts and performances at Miller Outdoor Theatre, etc. They’ll also learn with visits to different houses of worship and witnessing various rituals, like baptisms, first communions, weddings and funerals.
Helping a child become the individual they are should involve providing opportunities for selfexpression. This may look like working alongside a grandparent in a woodshop; gardening and growing things; and collecting things, such as stamps, pins, military patches, broaches, etc.
Self-expression can happen with a disposable camera, sewing, painting, sculpting with clay, drawing, writing, building a birdhouse, dancing, rapping, singing, sports of any kind, or acting, — whatever they like doing.
As a child’s individuality emerges, encourage them, respect their choices, and assure they understand diversity and adversity.
My granddaughter, a senior in high school, has loved ballet since she began classes; and through this opportunity for selfexpression and the responsibilities imposed on dancers, she was able to voice her opinion, let people know what she needed, complete school work on time and speak up for herself.
She also has learned to take care of her personal needs. She’s learned losing is not failure, that not always getting the role you want isn’t the end of the world, that every other dancer comes from a background (family situation) different from hers, and a lot about self-care — to maintain a regular routine, time management and the importance of maintaining a spiritual life.
While a majority of her individuality is a credit to her parents and extended family, my granddaughter and who she has become is also because of her teachers, dance instructors, fellow dancers, performance and competition experiences and, to a great extent, to the tools she’s collected along her life’s journey — for coping, to listening and understanding, and empathy for others.
A child’s individuality is a precious aspect of their being. It is at the fragile heart of who they are. Be sure to encourage and protect it.
That’s part of your job as a grandparent.
As a child’s individuality emerges, encourage them, respect their choices, and assure they understand diversity and adversity.