Earlydetection of cancer could have saved friend’s life
Dear Abby:
A childhood friend of mine died from cervical cancer. “Katy” died because she didn’t go to her OB/GYN for annual Pap smears.
She was a beautiful, intelligent, talented wife and mother who was responsible in every other way. Katy simply couldn’t face a pelvic exam because throughout her childhood she had been molested by her father. I know it’s true because her father molested me, too.
Katy’s doctor told her that had it been caught in the early stages, her cancer would have been curable. She hadn’t been to see her OB/GYN since her last child was born nine years before. Because of what her father did to her, she was unable to allow anyone other than her husband to touch her.
Abby, my friend suffered during the time between her diagnosis and her death. She fought to stay alive for her husband and children. But in the end, cancer took her, and her family will suffer for years to come.
Please remind every woman and sexually active teenage girl about the importance of a yearly exam. Those who feel they can’t deal with the exams should force themselves to talk to their OB/GYN. Otherwise, the sexual predators win again.
Sick of Molesters
Dear Sick of Molesters:
Please accept my deepest sympathy. She won’t have died in vain if women of every age heed your message about the importance of regular pelvic examinations, which should start as soon as a girl becomes sexually active. Dear Abby: I have been married to “Henry” for 25 years, and he refuses to call me by name. He doesn’t call me anything — certainly no terms of endearment. He just calls out or starts talking.
I have mentioned to Henry many times how deeply hurt and resentful it makes me feel. He admits it’s a problem but refuses to get help because “he doesn’t believe in counseling.” Can you give me an insight on how to cope with this?
Nameless in South New Jersey
Dear Nameless:
What Henry has been doing is called “passive aggression.” It’s a pattern of behavior that can occur in a variety of contexts. In your case, it’s consistently failing to do something he knows would please you, the absence of which he is fully aware is hurtful. He refuses counseling because he knows a counselor will call him on it.
This does not, however, mean that you shouldn’t have some counseling. Once you have recognized Henry’s behavior for what it is, you must then ask yourself why you have tolerated it, whether there are other things wrong in your marriage and if this is how you want to live your life.