Houston Chronicle

Husband who relives his past should focus on his present

- www.DearAbby.com Dear Abby P.O. Box 69440 Los Angeles, CA 90069 Universal Press Syndicate

Dear Abby:

I’m married to the love of my life. I can’t imagine loving a man more than I love “Wayne,” and I know he feels the same about me. The problem is, he’s always telling stories about things he has done, including past relationsh­ips, in graphic detail.

I have heard all of them repeatedly, and I’m sick of them. When I tell him this he says, “Fine! I won’t talk to you anymore.” Wayne never talks about our past, present or future. How can I get him to stop reliving “the good ol’ days” and start focusing on our life together?

Current Event in Kentucky

Dear Current Event:

Wayne may react defensivel­y when you say you’re “sick” of his stories because he feels you are criticizin­g him. Perhaps if you told him that hearing him dwell on past relationsh­ips is hurtful, he might be willing to enlarge his repertoire.

If that doesn’t help, it’s possible your husband feels his best years are behind him. Past conquests and adventures can be more fun to dwell on than the new lawnmower, the plumbing that needs replacemen­t, which friends are sick and the most recent one who died. Things might improve if you work together to create activities that will spice up your lives and give him some new material. Try it. It might benefit you both.

Dear Abby:

I have been in a relationsh­ip with “Bob” for 12 years. He doesn’t work and doesn’t take care of our children because he says it’s “not his responsibi­lity.” I have supported him all this time, yet nothing is good enough.

He has cheated on me several times. During his third affair, he had two kids with the other woman. He doesn’t understand why I don’t trust him.

He threatens to move out, and if he does, that will be “the last I hear from him.” I would be relieved if he went. I have so much anger toward him. I love him, but at this point love doesn’t have anything to do with it.

I have asked him several times to leave, but he just keeps saying he’ll be leaving on his own terms. I can’t continue like this anymore. He brings out the worst in me, and I hate it. What do I do?

Had it in Phoenix

Dear Had It:

That you have tolerated this behavior for 12 years boggles my mind. Because this philanderi­ng freeloader has resided with you for so long, you may have to go through formal eviction proceeding­s to get rid of him. You have given him a free ride, and you may need the services of a lawyer to pry him out of there. If you do, consider it money well spent.

 ??  ?? ABBY
ABBY

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