Who should headline Houston’s Super Bowl halftime show next year?
Scathing, thumbsdown reviews of Coldplay’s halftime show weren’t even cold yet when readers began suggesting who should play next year’s Super Bowl in Houston.
There was strong support for just letting Beyoncé and Bruno Mars become Super Bowl headliners for life. Of course, that’s not going to happen because each Super Bowl has to be special. And out-of-touch NFL decision makers enjoy making the big announcement about who the halftime entertainer is.
Many readers suggested Houston-, or at least Texas-bred entertainers. I can understand the hometown vote, but that’s not a big factor in the Super Bowl selection process. Super Bowl 50 was in San Francisco. Coldplay is from England. Bruno Mars is from Hawaii, or so he claims. And they swiped our Beyoncé.
The last time Houston had a Super Bowl, in 2004, the NFL let MTV run the halftime show. Brilliant idea. The acts were: Janet Jackson, Justin Timberlake, Kid Rock, P. Diddy and Nelly. That was the year of the “wardrobe malfunction,” so scratch a nostalgic reunion of those performers.
Houston’s first Super Bowl was in 1974 at Rice Stadium. Super Bowl halftimes weren’t a big deal back then. The headliners were the University of Texas marching band and Miss Texas 1973 ( Judy Mallett), playing the fiddle. Though everybody remained fully clothed, that’s a reunion that’s not happening either.
Here are some of the readers’ picks and my odds of them happening. Remember, my predictions always carry a margin of error of plus-minus 100 percent.
Willie Nelson: 0 percent chance. Not relevant enough, his shows aren’t electric enough, plus they’ll be afraid Willie will try to smoke the turf.
KISS: 0 percent. They’ve already done a Super Bowl halftime, in 1999, with Gloria Estefan, Stevie Wonder and Big Bad Voodoo Daddy. Unless you’re a megasuperstar, like Beyoncé, you’re one and done, like Kentucky’s basketball team.
Pitbull: 50 percent. Interesting choice. Pitbull is mainstream, does national commercials, and he’s got a track record in Houston. In 2013, he packed 75,217 fans into NRG Stadium for a Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo concert, the sixthbiggest crowd in rodeo history.
Imagine Dragons: 25 percent. Not a big enough act, but I thought that about Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, and they put on one of the best halftime shows in 2008.
Miranda Lambert: 30 percent. If the NFL could get Lambert and recently divorced husband Blake Shelton back together for Super Bowl, the odds go up to 75 percent. Shelton owns the No. 4 all-time RodeoHouston concert crowd, 75,238. She wins a lot on those weekly country-music-awards shows. Every country star is billed as “Entertainer of the Year.”
Luke Bryan: 65 percent. He’s the solid country choice and the most in-demand ticket for this year’s rodeo. Owns three of the top 20 all-time biggest RodeoHouston shows.
Others receiving votes: Bun B, Joe “King” Carasco, ZZ Top (already done a Super Bowl), Maroon 5, Dave Matthews Band, AC/DC, Van Halen and rodeo favorites Zac Brown Band.
For historical reference, the top two RodeoHouston concerts of all time were both Go Tejano Days. Last year, La Arrolladora, El Limon, La Maquinaria and Norteña drew 75,357 fans. In 2013, Julion Alvarez and Los Invasores de Nuevo Leon packed 75,305 people into the stadium.
My early favorites are: Drake (80 percent), Taylor Swift (85 percent) and Jimmy Buffett and the Coral Reefer Band (I would consider it a personal favor).
Worst selfie ever
Last Monday, a large ad appeared, already hyping next year’s Super Bowl in Houston. There was a weird illustration — I couldn’t tell if it was a photo or drawing or what — of a rocket surrounded by what looked like scaffolding on a launch pad, surrounded by blue water. That’s supposed to represent Houston?
My thought was, maybe it would have been a better idea to run a photo actually taken in Houston. Rocket launches take place in Cape Canaveral, Fla. The illustration appeared to have the rocket sitting on an oil rig. The whole thing was weird.
I contacted the Super Bowl Host Committee. Explain, please.
“The ad is an artist’s ‘digital photo illustration’ meant to represent and tie together three aspects of Houston’s identity, football, space exploration and the energy sector. Houston holds a significant place in the history of America’s space program, and the oil platform the rocket stands on represents the energy industry in the region.”
Two of those three aspects seem to be in a down cycle, no?
I would have run a photo of J.J. Watt celebrating in the end zone of NRG Stadium with the sold-out crowd on its feet going berserk. Watt is the three-time NFL Defensive Player of the Year, and he’s a national superstar. Plus, his career is in full bloom, and our stadium is beautiful. Right now, Watt and football are Houston’s bragging points.
Or we could have a rocket launching off an oil rig in the middle of the ocean, off the coast of Florida. Do I have to come up with every good idea around here?
Pethouse Pet of the Week
Name: Dino, as in Martin, the Rascals’ drummer
Danelli or the Flintstone’s pet dinosaur
Birthdate: May 30, 2011
Ethnicity: I’m a rat terrier fella, totally sweet and calm and housebroken. I know, I buried the lead. Yeah, I go outside, that’s a biggie. Just a thought, while the American Kennel Club is recognizing seven new breeds, how about a name-change for mine? “Rat Terrier” ain’t moving dogs here at the shelter. Might as well call us Cockroach Terriers or Tofu Pups.
Dino’s delights: Carl’s Jr. is building a restaurant on the corner of Main and Buffalo Speedway, its first inside the Loop. There used to be a Church’s Chicken at that site.