DEAR ABBY
Dear Abby:
In the beginning of our marriage, there was physical abuse and marital rape. I stayed anyway. Over the years, we had two children. My husband, “Seth,” and I don’t communicate because he has refused to talk about our issues. In the past few years, my younger son has also become physically abusive to me.
I tried to leave many times but failed until last December when, because I had a heart attack, I finally moved in with family. I did it for the sake of my health and my sanity.
Seth now wants to talk about our issues. He suggested that I come back home. He has several medical problems, so I was taking care of all the household chores and working two jobs. My children will not help with the chores unless I yell for hours.
I no longer love my husband. He feels I “owe” him a chance to prove that he loves me and can change. Am I wrong for letting go? I’m very confused. Dear Letting Go:
You owe this man nothing! If you allow Seth the chance to romance you into coming back to take care of him, you will wind up exactly where you started.
Your son abuses you because that is what he saw his father doing — and you allowed it. If you stand your ground now, it will show your son that abuse is not to be tolerated.
Dear Abby:
Four months ago, my wife started wearing more makeup, perfume and trying new things with her hair. It began after she was promoted to store manager. Recently, I found out that someone has been flirting with her. (She would never have told me on her own.)
Our sex life has decreased over the past few months. She barely speaks to me now and spends most of her time on Facebook. She refuses to discuss our relationship, and I suspect she may be looking for someone new or has already found him.
We have been married for nine years. Please help me to understand. Feeling Lonely Dear Feeling Lonely:
If you haven’t already, tell your wife you have noticed the changes in her behavior and in your level of intimacy, and you miss it. Tell her you love her and feel your marriage is threatened.
If she still doesn’t want to discuss your relationship, tell her it’s time the two of you see a marriage and family therapist. What you were told may be no more than a flirtation, but if it’s more than that, it’s better you know sooner rather than later. I hope your wife will agree, but if she doesn’t, then for your own sake, get some counseling without her.