Mother-in-law’s pop-ins have angry wife ready to pop.
Dear Abby:
My mother-in-law has begun doing the “pop-in.” My husband passiveaggressively hinted that he wished he had known she was coming over. Her response was, “I’m your mother; I don’t need to let you know when I’m coming over.” I regard this as total disrespect.
She has done this plenty of times — including popping in when I was having a dinner with my parents and children, which made her mad because she and my fatherin-law hadn’t been invited.
She did the pop-in again last week. My husband, four children and I were about to sit down to a family dinner when she rang the doorbell. I didn’t have enough food for her and my father-in-law, which made us all uncomfortable.
I have begged my husband to say something, but he says it would be disrespectful. I said it is disrespectful that she comes over without checking with us first. What’s your take on this? No Pop-ins, Please Dear No Pop-ins:
Your husband may be so cowed by his mother that he’s afraid to assert himself. You are under no obligation to entertain anyone who pops in, including her. The next time she shows up unannounced, remind her to call first and suggest that she come back some other time.
Dear Abby:
My fiancee has a 15-year-old son, “Jason,” who spends countless hours in his room playing Xbox with his buddies. He is loud and obviously has fun, by the sound of it. However, when he comes out for meals, he doesn’t communicate or answer questions.
My fiancee and I see each other three times a year for two to three weeks at a time. My fiancee says Jason acts the same way whether I’m here or not. He isn’t close with his dad, either.
Is this a phase that he will grow out of, or does he need professional help? We get along, but there is never much conversation. I ask questions to encourage interaction, but it hasn’t been successful. Frustrated in Montana Dear Frustrated:
Whether Jason’s going through a phase depends on whether he has always had poor verbal skills and ignored questions he was asked. He might be reluctant to answer because he’s having problems socially or academically in school, or because the opinions you’re asking for concern things he has never given much thought to.
If you and your fiancee are truly concerned, she should talk about this with a counselor at Jason’s school and ask if counseling or intervention of any kind is needed.
DearAbby.com Dear Abby P.O. Box 69440 Los Angeles, CA 90069 Universal Press Syndicate