Psychologist: Today’s seniors taking unique pathways in life REDEFINING AGE
Frieda Birnbaum, Ph.D., a New Yorkbased research psychologist and psychoanalyst, is well known for thinking outside the box. Now 70 and the mother of 10-year-old twins, Birnbaum was heralded a decade ago as the oldest woman in the U.S. to give birth to twins.
Because of her advanced age, no fertility specialists in the U.S would perform in vitro fertilization, so the couple traveled to South Africa for the treatment.
Her pregnancy at age 60, though considered high risk, went smoothly, as did the C-section deliveries.
“I am anxious to redefine age,” she said, “because it is changing.”
Birnbaum’s late mother became preg-
nant at 40 and elected to end it because, as she said, “Forty-year-old women don’t have babies.” But the psychologist said today, it isn’t unusual for a 40-year-old woman to have a baby or even to begin her family.
The author of Life Begins at 60: A New View on Motherhood, Marriage and Reinventing Ourselves, Birnbaum is a specialist in the evolving senior lifestyle, treating patients from the general population suffering from depression, and she has worked in the area of women’s issues and attaining happiness.
“Today’s seniors are unique,” she said, “and because of this, we baby boomers are making new pathways and serving as models for future generations. To be successful, we must be able to have a voice, make a place for ourselves as consumers, productive people — and all the changes in this senior population because we are living longer, healthier lives. In fact, because we are a new type of seniors, our voices need to be louder.”
As Birnbaum points out, in the past, people worked hard, but took away time from other opportunities.
“Today, we must learn to prioritize the way we look at life. As we’ve learned, you can’t have it all at same time, but you can take turns with what’s important in your life.
“Seniors must reflect on who we are, and realize the old rules don’t apply. If you want dye your hair, do it. If you want to look as fit as you feel, go for it. Want to start a second career? Why not?”
She said our grandparents’ rockingchair lifestyle has been replaced by exercise, travel and adventure.
“Everywhere you look, there are volunteers, RVers, people backpacking in Europe, fly-fishing in Australia, hunting in the Alaskan tundra ... people my age and older still seeking new experiences and truly enjoying life. We boomers have transformed grandparenting and given grandchildren a different meaning, mainly because we have more time to grandparent this next generation, these children who are part of who we are,” she said.
“Grandparenting now means joy, not just the caretaker,” said Birnbaum, also an active grandmother,” because life today gives us time to enjoy and bring other factors into the relationship. At the same time, we seniors are more rounded and understand more about who we are, what we enjoy now. We’re also, as a whole, more playful and more fun.”
Birnbaum, the model of the newly evolved 65-plus generation, shared some mental health resolutions for 2017:
1. Face one fear: When we challenge ourselves and when we push out of our comfort zones, we grow. Write down a list of all of your fears and make a concerted attempt to face one of them. When you confront fear successfully, it can affect all aspects of your life for the better as well as give you a confidence boost.
“As we get older, we have the ability to be happier and more carefree,” Brinbaum said. “We all have a childhood history, but it is translated through our parents. In my own case, my father but had never had a chance to learn to ride a bike or swim. They feared me learning how to do these things because of their fears based on the own childhood. Now we need to explore to see ourselves separate from our pasts. Emotionally connect with where we are in our lives today. Mental well-being and what we need to do to be healthy. Mental health is as important as physical health.
2. Reconnect: Reach out to friends, relatives or even acquaintances that you haven’t spoken with in a long time. It will make you feel good. Also, try taking up a hobby or an activity you enjoyed when you were younger. Reconnect to people, places, and activities that made you feel happy.
3. Forgive and seek forgiveness: If someone from your past or present has hurt you, do whatever you can to take steps towards forgiving them (even if they’re not seeking forgiveness).
A lot of inner anguish and pain can result from the negative emotions we feel about others. In addition to forgiving others, try to forgive yourself for things you are feeling guilty about. If you have hurt others, seek them out and tell them how sorry you are. By doing this you may not only be bringing a substantial amount of peace to them but, to you as well.”
Birnbaum’s blog can be found at www. doctorfrieda.com.