DEAR ABBY: Abusive adoptive mother has no right to daughter’s money.
Dear Abby: I am 41 years old and was adopted at birth. I was raised by an unloving woman who was emotionally, verbally and physically abusive. I persevered, worked hard, and now have a loving husband and a beautiful son. We live a peaceful life.
My adoptive mother, on the other hand, expects me to hand her financial support every month and pay for her extravagant lifestyle. She did not save for herself, as I was her “investment.” She says that if not for her “taking me away from the slums as a child,” I wouldn’t be where I am in life now.
The financial burden she has guilted me into is putting a strain on my marriage. I am depressed beyond words.
I have no love for her. But I do feel for her in her old age. What should I do?
Strained Relationship
Dear Strained: Realize that when good parents adopt a baby, they do it not because of what that baby will do for them, but for what they can give to that child. Then tell your abuser the gravy train has stopped and cut off all communication.
You do not “owe” her anything, so do not allow yourself to be bullied or guilted into being her ATM machine. If you feel the urge to waver, take my advice and spend the money on a licensed psychotherapist who will help you understand that your adoptive mother does not have the ethical or moral right to anything more from you than you have already given.
Dear Abby: I have a 6-year-old daughter and a 3-year-old son who have no modesty at all. I don’t make a big deal about private parts. They sometimes bathe together and will jump in the shower with me or my husband. Because of this, they’ll get into our pool or hot tub naked. Our backyard is completely private. No one can see in, so I have no problem with it.
However, when my in-laws are in town, they are appalled. Then my husband freaks out, scolds the kids and makes them put their clothes on.
I would understand that if the kids were older, it might be inappropriate, but they are still so young.
Am I too laid-back, or are my in-laws too uptight?
Unashamed in Florida
Dear Unashamed: The difference in your attitudes regarding nudity may be a result of the generation gap. I do think it’s hypocritical of your husband to reprimand the children for doing something that’s usually acceptable, because it sends a confusing message. He should explain to the kids that when “company” comes, they will need to cover up so they don’t make guests uncomfortable.