Decision to leave family home requires clear communication
The subject of my parents moving from the family homenever surfaced while any of the seven Kelly kids lived there. The first hint occurred years later, when one of my brothers returned for a visit and suggested to the folks that “if they planned to stay,” it would be wise to install an electric gate and floodlights to guard the yard and driveway. The house had been broken into a few times over the years, including one ugly night when the car was stolen.
“You’ll be carrying me out of this place feet first” wasmy dad’s favorite line about that home. And, he nearly kept his promise. Only a brief stay in a nursing homewas spaced between the family home and his final resting place.
Mymomdid not share my dad’s opinion, but never communicated that while wewere around. She said later that she wished he “had been more realistic.” She told me once that she even envisioned the configuration of their “next” house and the amenities she wanted. We agreed that it’s far easier to leave the family home when both spouses are still alive. That way, all involved can at least begin to grieve the loss of the home before the overwhelming loss of a partner or parent.
Where do you see yourself ultimately spending the majority of your later years? Be realistic. Right now, what would be your best guess even though you cannot be absolutely certain? Your tastes might have changed over the years, and your family situation might be pointing you in a different direction, both in the near and long term. Here are a few sample questions to ponder and help guide you through the process:
Howdo you see yourself spending your days? No last home will be enjoyable if its occupants cannot do what they find enjoyable. Dad’s desire to attend downtownplays and pitch softballs in a huge men’s city league may not fit Mom’s desire for a bit more isolation and rural tranquility. Before you make any exploration of home possibilities, come to a clear understanding of what type of atmosphere, amenities, and facilities both spouses want. Remember that longtime wants are not always absolute needs.
Is your decision merely a trip down memory lane? If you spent many happy hours on vacation with your family in a particular spot, you might want to return there and buy a home in the same location. This is a legitimate wish, but you should con- sider howimportant this is to you. Sometimes, you can’t go home again. Prices have risen, congestion has increased, and many of the things you fondly remember have disappeared. More importantly, your memories are not necessarily shared by those around you. If the vacation home is to provide satisfaction, it must meet the needs of the whole household. Even a seemingly familiar place requires investigation before you seek to relive old memories. Don’t let nostalgia for the past take precedence over the more important considerations of the present.
Be realistic about home configuration. Should it be single level, or can you justify climbing stairs to a second-floor home that could double as a grandchild dorm? To what degree will you want it “wired” so you have access to voice-activated accessories and services? What type of appliances do you want in the kitchen? Do you want the potential for wheelchair accessibility in every room or just a specific area? In other words, design in your mind the perfect house and then visit it often. The more familiar you become with the house, the more you will want to be in it.
Who knows? You might be telling your kids: “You’ll be carrying me out of this place feet first.”