Memories of molestation cloud girl’s thoughts of the future.
Dear Abby:
I’m almost an adult now, starting to think about marriage and having kids. But I have a disturbing childhood memory I have never been able to erase.
When I was 6 and staying at my grandparents’ house, and my grandmother would go outside to water the flowers, my grandfather would try to put his hands on my private parts. He wouldn’t speak a word to me ever, even if she was around. But as soon as Grandma was out of sight, well, that was his chance to put his hands on me, then laugh when I tried to wiggle away.
Recently, after I remembered those episodes, I tried to bring this up with my mom. Abby, she reacted as if there was something really wrong with me or that I was lying!
Not surprisingly, I don’t want that man around my future children. I have no real relationship with him. I know this memory isn’t something I just imagined or made up “to embarrass the family.” Moving on from the Past
Dear Moving On: In reference to your mom’s response when you told her your granddad molested you, conclude that the same thing likely happened to her. You also should conclude that she knew what he was capable of and did nothing to protect you. For that reason, your grandfather should not be allowed to be around your children — or any children, for that matter.
It would be a good idea for you to contact R.A.I.N.N., the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network: rainn.org, 800-656-4673.
Dear Abby:
My elderly mother will be moving in with me. The problem is, Mom is one of those people for whom nothing is ever good enough. One of my siblings already has informed me that Mom told her my house, my town, our hospitals, etc. are not good enough for her. I’m worried that after she moves in and I hear her complain every day, I’ll lose my temper. Do you have any words of wisdom for me? Dreading It in the South
Dear Dreading:
I sure do. Ask your mother now, before she relocates, if what your sibling said is true. And if it is, do not let her move into your home.
Dear Abby:
Is it rude for someone not to cash a check you have written to them within a certain time period? Because I keep track of my banking online and not in a traditional checkbook, I end up having to try to remember to adjust my available balance to include the check’s amount. What do you think? Check’s in the Mail
Dear C.I.T.M.:
I agree that it’s rude. When a canceled check does not show up — sometimes for months — it makes reconciling the giver’s checkbook a pain in the neck.