CHARLIE WELLS CASTELLANO
Find him behind the bar at: Cockpit Bar & Grill, 8101 Airport Hours: 4 p.m.-2 a.m. Monday-Friday, 5 p.m.-2 a.m. Saturday
Length of time working at current place?
Seven years as a bar owner. Bartender of 36 years.
Nickname?
Boss man, chief — how I’m addressed by drunk white boys, and I dislike it intensely.
Lamest pickup line you’ve heard at the bar?
“I don’t usually do things like this, but …”
Most famous person you’ve ever served a drink to?
Porn actress Alexis Texas. She was cheap. I guess having sex on camera isn’t as lucrative as I thought.
Becoming friends with customers:
yes or no? Very selective, but definitely yes.
Most common customer complaint?
“You don’t serve food, and you’re called a bar and grill?” Tough, go to Hooters. Besides, food gets in the way of a real good booze buzz.
Song you’ve gotten sick of at work?
Where do I begin? Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing,” Garth Brooks’ “Friends in Low Places,” Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Free Bird.” And anything from Jimmy Buffett or Blake Shelton.
What’s the sloppiest, drunkest thing you’ve ever seen on the job?
Early in my bar career, a very drunk biker chick felt the need to show me her tattooed labia. I’m still scarred from this incident, but after years of intensive therapy, I’m finally recovering.
What’s the most outrageous request you’ve ever gotten?
While employed at a swingers/fetish club, I was asked to serve a patron a drink from a dog food bowl. I refused.
Best tip you’ve ever received?
$250 on a $7.50 tab.
Where do you like to go have a drink when you’re not at work?
I can usually be found at the Eagle Houston in Montrose or TGI Fridays on Fuqua.
What’s your specialty drink, and how do you make it?
Sapphire Kamikaze on the rocks. If I told you, I’d have to kill you.
What’s something your customers may not know about you?
My personality is somewhat of an acquired taste, not unlike fine French caviar or hepatitis C. But I guess I would have to say I’m a lot more fragile than what my crabby, geriatric, no-BS attitude and exterior might say.