HOW TO ‘FERRIS BUELLER’ HOUSTON ON A BUDGET
Let’s start off with a disclaimer: I’m not advocating you play hooky. That would be wrong. I’m simply offering up an itinerary for the best Ferris Bueller-style day the city of Houston has to offer. Do with this information what you will.
In “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off,” the titular character fakes sick, grabs his two best friends and orchestrates the best skip day a high school senior could possibly plan. We’re talking baseball game, skyline views of the city, crashing a parade (and, yeah, a car), and schmoozing into a fancy-pants lunch and art-gallery trip.
His motivation was simple: “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it,” Bueller said. Yeah, that’s a quote from a fictional high schooler in 1986. But in the decades since this movie came out, during which cellphones and Wi-Fi have become ubiquitous, this line has aged much better than the leopard-print sweater vest he rocked. It’s enough to get you thinking that maybe a skip day isn’t the worst idea.
And this itinerary is easily hackable in Houston. Trust me. Last year, my good friend (who
will remain nameless, because bosses), coaxed me into taking a day midweek to Ferris Bueller our way through Houston. And this year, there are two perfect days to squeeze the most out of what this city has to offer in a Ferris-inspired day.
Here’s how we did it — on a budget.
Downtown views: In the movie, Ferris and his friends head to the Willis Tower (then known as the Sears Tower), and check out the views from the 1,350-foot-high observation deck. Here in Houston, the observation platform on the 60th floor of down’s Chase Tower was closed to the public back in 2016. So instead, we began our morning outside the Loop, heading to the San Jacinto Monument to take in views of the city’s skyline from the 570-foot-high observation deck. Cost? $6 per person. Fancy-pants lunch: Remem-
ber when Ferris sneaked into that restaurant he clearly had no place being in? Well, we’re not that cool. We just made a reservation at Vic & Anthony’s downtown, just a few blocks from the baseball stadium. This is the undeniable splurge of the day, but stick with me to the end, and I’ll have a tip for how to make this work for you. Cost? Varies.
Baseball game: Jose Altuve always brings a smile to my face, so this was my absolute favorite part of the day. We walked up to the ticket window shortly before the start of a 1:10 p.m. game and, for only about $12 apiece, were able to watch a team that went on to win the World Series. You can definitely get better seats if you feel like it, but for our purposes, we loved the benefits of early-afternoon cheap seats. Cost? Starting at $11 per person. Fine Arts Museum:
OK, here’s where knowing the city of Houston comes in handy. The key in hacking this day on a budget all hinges on the fact that, here in Houston, you can score free access to the Museum of Fine Arts, Houston every Thursday. So we saw Picasso paintings for free, y’all. Cost? Nada.
Parade: You’re expecting too much here, guys. My friend spent several years looking for the perfect alignment in the stars to get a good afternoon Astros home game on a Thursday, and in all of those years, she-or-he was never able to find a day that also included a parade. Sorry. When to do it: Our day last year was perfect because we were able to find a Thursday afternoon game in August, which meant our lunch took place during Houston Restaurant Weeks. By the time all was said and done, we took this city for under $60 a person. Alas, there are no Thursday afternoon home games during August this year, which means you have two choices.
First choice, do the itinerary I described above, and splurge a little on lunch. You’ve got two perfect dates for this — Thursday, May 3, when the Yankees are in town for a 1:10 p.m. game, and Thursday, July 12, when we play the Oakland A’s. Yankees tickets are more expensive, starting at $29 a pop. But you can get in to see the A’s for $11.
Second choice, shift your schedule to later in the day and grab a 7:10 p.m. game on a Thursday in August. Start at the San Jacinto Monument, then go to lunch, then the art museum and end the day at the game. There’s a very important caveat here, though: If you called in sick (hypothetically, of course), you’re much more likely to be spotted at a night game than a midafternoon outing. But if you’re willing to risk it, you can try the Aug. 9 game against the Mariners ($14) or the Aug. 30 game against the Angels ($10).
Whatever day you decide, have (hypothetical) fun. And keep your photos off Instagram.