What could you do in Houston in one day with a $1 million?
PARTY WITH A FEW FRIENDS AT WHITE OAK MUSIC HALL.
If you’ve seen the 1985 film “Brewster’s Millions,” where Richard Pryor is a minor league ballplayer who has to spend $30 million in 30 days to inherit $300 million, you’ve probably wondered what you would do in that scenario. We certainly have.
But there’s a twist to our brain game: spending $1 million in 24 hours in Houston, but nothing can be kept or owned when the day is done.
For this hypothetical, we sought to see what a high roller could do in Houston with nine or so friends over the course of a day. So we made some phone calls, inquired online and basically acted like a baller for a few hours to see what kind of damage we could do in and around Houston.
Don’t worry, we left some dough in the budget for tips, Tylenol and a crate of Pepto-Bismol. Here’s our million-dollar day.
WAKE UP IN STYLE
We wake up from eight hours of restful sleep at the The Four Seasons Presidential Suite North in Houston. Featuring two bedrooms, a refrigerated wet bar, a dining and living area, a stereo system and sweeping view of downtown, we wake up wishing we could stay. But there is money to burn and nine of our friends to meet downstairs. We drink coffee in the room because it’s free,
CHOPPER TO G-TOWN
We’re taking two helicopters from Air Charter Service in Houston to hang out at Galveston Beach for sunrise. Did we mention nine of our best friends are coming? We’re leaving right before dawn and taking off from the Downtown Aquarium helipad. If all goes well, we will be able to sip coffee and juice, and eat at a McDonald’s breakfast buffet. Hey, we’re millionaires for the day, but we’re still connected to our middle-class roots. Total for the helicopters rides and a few dozen sausage biscuits and hash browns? $12,500. We feed the
FAST CARS
seagulls the leftovers.
Uptown Exotics in Houston has a Lamborghini Aventador LP700 waiting for us when we touch down back in downtown. The sports car runs about $2,300 a day. We rent five of them.
MINUTE MAID PARK FOR BATTING PRACTICE
We get to have batting practice all to ourselves at Minute Maid Park, complete with the video screens rolling. The two-hour experience isn’t cheap. The whole thing sets us back $50,000, but we also get some sweet ballpark food and memories that last a lifetime.
BUBBLY AFTERPARTY
A’Bouzy, a champagne-fueled fine-dining restaurant, will be where we have about $14,000 in Dom Perignon Plentitude P3 and another $1,000 in light bites after that batting cage sesh at Minute Maid Park. We ate at the park, so we’re more thirsty than hungry.
WE RENTED A ZOO
According to Jackie Wallace at the Houston Zoo, we can rent out the animal park for a cool
$200,000 from 4 to 7 p.m., and it seems like a steal. The party will include a live band, animalthemed stilt walkers, live animal encounters (a special sea lion presentation, giraffe feedings, cheetah encounters, etc.), florals and décor, interactive food stations (like liquid nitrogen ice cream) and tables all around the Reflection Pool.
AN AFTERNOON SHOT OF WHISKEY
After we’ve changed into our evening clothes, the best way to recover from a zoo party is with a Knappogue Castle 1951, a 36-yearold Irish whiskey at Reserve 101 near the Toyota Center. At $750 for a 1.5-ounce pour for 10 people and a few stragglers, we have a tab of $7,500. The bartenders get a hefty tip, too, and we walk out $8,000 poorer.
CIGARS FOR EVERYONE
The folks at Cigar Emporium off South Shepherd have quoted us a price of $40 apiece for a top-of-the-line Padron brand stogie. They make a special delivery to the bar. So to that end, we’re just going to splurge and get a few boxes, around 50 cigars, to hand out to random people we meet.
TONIGHT’S LODGINGS
For one night, we’re staying at The Post Oak Hotel, naturally in the Presidential Suite, all by our lonesome. We snore a lot. A private elevator, a marble bathroom and about 5,000 square feet of space are included. The cost of one night in the prezzy suite? $12,000. Seems legit.
DOING DAMAGE AT STEAK 48 IN RIVER OAKS
Starting with drinks, appetizers and wine, we’re about $22,430 in the hole and it’s barely 8 p.m. Top shelf everything.
And then the main event: We’re eating steaks, seafood, plenty of sides, whiskey, dessert and dessert wine to the tune of roughly $4,510. Our estimated tab at Steak 48 for 10? Around $26,940. We’re not cheapskates, so we’re tipping our faithful waitstaff a cool $6,735 for dealing with nearly a dozen stuffed people. Dinner: $33,675.
PARTY AT WHITE OAK MUSIC HALL
Even though meat sweats, whiskey and wine might have done lesser people in, we’re all riding to White Oak Music Hall where we’ve rented out the entire complex, inside and outside, for 500 people. Beer included, even Lone Star. Before we even book a band, we’re looking at $62,000 estimated in costs. But we need music, so we’re booking Slim Thug, Bun B and Z-Ro outside, plus Willie Nelson and local band The Suffers inside. Once again, more free beer. So for an estimated $550,000 we have five marquee Texas musical acts playing for 500 of our friends. We get a hometown discount on some of the acts because we’re that cool and crazy. Today has now cost us $971,175.
WHAT A DAY
At this point, we’re tired, hungry and ready for bed. Where else would we close out the night? Of course, Whataburger comes through, and we drop $28,000 in the bucket so everyone can eat. The rest goes on our tab at Whataburger. Wait, we have $825 left over. We decide to spend $640 on Tylenol, Excedrin and Pepto for the whole party.
THE MORNING AFTER
When we wake up nearly penniless at the Post Oak Hotel, Jaron from the Hydration Station is there to give us an IV for $179 to combat the hangover. The last $6 is spent on a coffee with an extra espresso shot at the nearest Starbucks. Did we have fun spending a million dollars in Houston? You know it.