Girl’s old friends turn away when she returns to school.
Dear Abby:
My daughter was in a residential treatment program for depression the 18 months prior to returning to high school. Her old friends had promised to be there for her when she returned.
After she was back for three months, her friends stopped inviting her to things and even talked behind her back in a chat group. The girls’ moms knew some of this was going on and did nothing. It has been a difficult journey for my daughter as well as for me.
Now that the girls have all graduated, I’m wondering if I should contact any of them or their moms and ask what happened. It was painful for me to watch my daughter go through weekends when her “friends” were out at parties she wasn’t invited to. I am wondering if asking the girls/ moms for an explanation can help my daughter learn from it.
Please let me know what you think.
Mama Bear
Dear Abby: Dear Mama Bear:
Teenagers can be so completely centered on themselves that the feelings of others do not exist. Add to that the fact that there is so much misunderstanding about mental illness and I have a pretty good idea of what happened and so should you.
What life lesson do you think exploring this will accomplish? Your efforts would be better spent by continuing to emotionally support her and encouraging her to move forward with her life.
My husband’s family is full of people who drink too much and then act like fools. It happens at many gatherings, and it stresses me out.
They often pressure me to drink more and/or get drunk. Because I don’t do it, I feel ostracized at these gatherings where I’m told I need to “loosen up” by drinking more.
These days, I avoid those family gatherings as often as possible, but I’m afraid I’m courting more problems by not participating in family activities. I’ve tried to be frank with them, but the conversations don’t seem to stick. I can’t avoid my husband’s family forever. What to do?
In the Minority
Dear Minority:
Because you have told your in-laws that being urged to drink makes you uncomfortable yet they persist, you are doing all you can short of cutting off all contact with them. Continue to limit those family events, and when asked about your absence, continue to be frank about the reason. Then hope they are sober enough to get the message.
DearAbby.com Dear Abby
P.O. Box 69440
Los Angeles, CA 90069